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danielle
30th November 2006, 07:13 PM
It's been a difficult past few months for me and I have stayed away because it is too difficult to see pictures and read about Cavaliers. I know many of you will think I'm a horrible person for walking away but after many sleepless nights and tears, I felt in my heart it was the best thing to do.

My ex and I separated. Jace and Caden were like children to us both, they were my heart. There were many factors in the ultimate decision but it boiled down to it being best for them to go with him. He works a very flexible sales job so they basically spend all day with him and are never alone; I was relocating to Virginia with no idea what my job or living situation would be. Beyond that, Caden developed a fierce attachment to him and would be pretty destructive when the ex would leave town. Jace was pretty attached to me, not to that extent, but the ex said he would not separate them over his dead body. And I knew he meant it. Even if I had thought I could take them both, he would have literally taken me to court.

I miss them terribly every day and have to make a conscious effort to not think about them so I don't break down and cry ALL the time.

Has anyone else ever been faced with this decision? I now understand why people have pre-nups, and include the animals in them.

moniechris
30th November 2006, 07:22 PM
I'm so sorry Danielle. It is times like these where our little ones are the most healing so it must be so difficult to have them taken away. :( No one would judge you here for letting them go; this is the best place for you to be because people actually understand your attachement and how hard this must be.
I know the babies were like children to you and the idea of replacing them must be a terrible concept, but in the future when you are settled with a new job, new home and a new life, a cavalier would be the perfect way to help you begin again. Use that idea to help you get through the next few months.

Healing thoughts and hugs!! :hug:

duncans_ma
30th November 2006, 07:37 PM
My hat is off to you...Kudos! What it may be hard for you to see is that you put your babies first. Your love from them shows through your decision to give them what sounds like will be the best life for them.


I second the thought of, when you are ready, maybe you can get your babies a little sibling. And I hope that has time heals the rift between you and your ex that perhaps you will get a chance to spend time with them again, even if just visitation.

I can't speak for anyone else here, but I for one, can not and will not judge the decision that you made... :flwr: :flwr:

arasara
30th November 2006, 07:38 PM
Oh my goodness Danielle.. :hug: :hug: :hug:

I've thought of you often. Although I know it's not on the best note, I am so absolutely glad to see you back on here. :hug:

I am sorry about what you're going through. Men can be such jerks sometimes. I'm glad you found the strength inside you to do what you thought was best for your boys.. It might sound stupid but can you get "visitation" rights? Maybe you can get another little fluffy friend in VA? Not that they will be forgotten, because I know you never will, but it's great to have a furry little companion, as you know already.

*hugZ* to you Danielle, and stop by more often!! We miss you!!

danielle
30th November 2006, 07:41 PM
Thank you so much for the kind words. I am happy to be back amongst people that do understand. As far as visitation, we tried that but it did not work. It was too hard on me to see them for a few days then have to say goodbye, it was like having my heart broken time and time and time again. Plus, the ex used them as 'bait' to continue hurting me.

Barbara Nixon
30th November 2006, 08:43 PM
I know many of you will think I'm a horrible person for walking away but after many sleepless nights and tears, I felt in my heart it was the best thing to do.


Not at all. You acted, unselfishly, in the best interests of your dogs.

Nancy
30th November 2006, 09:03 PM
As long as the dogs are happy , as much as it hurts, there is no doubt you had no choice. Just think, as soon as you're situated, you can get 2 new dogs, whether they are Cavaliers or not, they'll be great. I always used to think of the phrase, "so many dogs, so little time"...now you'll get to share your life with dogs that need a home.

Claire L
30th November 2006, 09:35 PM
:flwr: Hi Danielle,
I only joined this group in July of this year so a big icon_welcome to you from me.

Trully loving your dog means that you always do what is best for the dog regardless of how much pain it will cause you.

In letting your dogs go with your Ex, you showed Tremendous strength and true love for them. You will always have them in your heart and memory and OUT THERE somewhere is a dog who is looking for some like you - a true dog lover.....

Be gentle with yourself :flwr: :flwr: :hug:
Claire

nlg679
30th November 2006, 10:39 PM
Oh Danielle!
I am so, so sorry! I have been wondering about you and your babies!
And remembering that awful time when one was lost!!!!
Oh you are so brave and I so respect your decision! I will be keeping you in my prayers and hoping that you feel stronger each day and smile again!
So sorry Danielle!
Please do keep in touch!
I know we all miss you here! :flwr:

Nancy
Teddy and sweet little Katydid

enchantingdragon
30th November 2006, 10:46 PM
How heartbreakingly sad for you but you really did the best thing for your dogs and thats very difficult. I can see how pets are like children and this must be very hard for you. :hug:

I agree with everyone else that when the time comes maybe you can add a sibling Cavy to your family. Till then we're all here for you and know that your babies love you very much

gocamping
30th November 2006, 10:48 PM
Danielle, you really made the best decision for them and yourself. Once you are settled definitely consider getting a new cav to start your new life.

Cathy T
1st December 2006, 12:45 AM
Danielle - glad to have you back just wish for you it was under better circumstances. My hat's off to do for doing what was best for the dogs even though it wasn't easy for you. I know this is difficult for you. I'm sure the break up was hard enough but to have to give up the dogs as well. Oh hugs and hugs to you! Know that your pups are well taken care of and much loved. Welcome back and come talk to us as much as you want. We understand...boy do we ever!!

judy
1st December 2006, 12:54 AM
ouch danielle--that's rough. it's good that you shared your story because it might help others to think about their situation too, possibly to prepare for something like this. i know in your situation you couldn't really prepare--if your new situation isn't right for having dogs, then there's nothing you can do, especially when your ex is so determined and so hostile. I'm very sorry for your losses.

Remali
1st December 2006, 12:57 AM
I can't imagine how painfully difficult that was for you to do, but I applaud you to make sure that the dogs are both happy and safe. That was very brave and very good of you! Is there any chance that you may be able to get another little puppy in the future? I know you can never ever replace the dogs that you had (been there and done that myself), but I was just wondering if you were considering another dog at some time? Dogs just help us heal our wounds.

Cathy Moon
1st December 2006, 01:07 AM
Dear Danielle, I'm so glad you came back! I have been in the same situation as you, and I want to tell you that you will heal!

I got divorced when I was in my 20s, and my ex kept the house and dog. Heidi was the first dog that I owned, and when I bought her as a puppy he was against it. But he worked long hours and travelled a lot, so she was my little companion. We went to obedience classes and everything. BTW, she had him wrapped around her fluffy paw in less than a week! :) Anyways, when we decided to part he told me he wanted to keep her and the house. I couldn't afford a house of my own, and I felt I might end up in a rental situation where I could not keep a dog, so I let him keep her - she loved him as much as me, and he had a fenced yard, etc. It broke my heart, but it felt like the best decision for her.

I tried the visitation thing, too. It really hurt to give her back each time, and I also noticed that she wanted to go home - my rental place didn't seem like home to her, which was even more painful! So I decided to cut the ties (no children were involved, either.)

That's when I started my new life. Whenever you let go of the past - the future opens!! A few years later I saved enough to buy my own house with fenced yard and I bought myself a new puppy. And I realized that I had healed.

I am sending you all my positive thoughts and wishes - for you to heal, to be strong and at peace with the past, for you to have love in your life again, and for you to have new puppies! Just put one foot in front of the other, and you will get there. :flwr:

danielle
1st December 2006, 01:56 AM
Oh wow, I almost forgot how wonderful of a group this is. I wish now I hadn't stayed away for so long.

Cathy, it really sounds like our situations were near identical. The ex thought I was insane when I first told him I wanted a dog and how much they would cost. It took less than a week for him to understand and even begin talks about another. It hurt me how attached Caden got to him because he travelled for work often so I was the one that took care of him during all his early health problems. Cuddling him at night, hand feeding him, etc, etc. He too was my first dog and I grew SO attached to him through all that. And then Jace, well, he is the little bundle of trouble that charms his way into the depths of your heart.

Anyway, I appreciate all the kind, hopeful words so much. Another puppy is certainly an option, I've been very blessed with finding a wonderful job and a wonderful rental house with a BIG fenced back yard with a dog-loving landlord. And my sister and year old neice are from Virginia here so that has certainly been a wonderful distraction. All that is left is the price and juggling my work schedule so that the little darlin' won't be alone too long. I have already decided I would like a little girl so it's not like I'm replacing my boys.

Again, thank you all so much for making me feel better. The ex has made me feel like I'm a bad person for it and obviously 'don't love them as much as he does cause he would never be able to walk away from them' so thank you, I really did have their best interest at heart but have been carrying this guilt about 'being able' to walk away.

molly
1st December 2006, 02:08 AM
Danielle and Cathy Moon: bless you both for making the hardest decision in the world for your dog's best interests. You both truly love your dogs to do that.

arasara
1st December 2006, 03:54 AM
Danielle,

Please don't let your ex beat you up over this. As you've said, you made the best decision you could, and I am sure your boys would understand.. .. .. You're a very beautiful young lady (yes, I know, I remember the pictures @ the lake! :lol: ) and you will have no trouble finding yourself back on your feet again. You're smart, funny, and full of ambition.. Don't let life's little setbacks bring you down.. and if you need anything at all, we're all here for you!! :flwr: :flwr: :flwr:

Thanks for sharing your story too - and you too Cathy Moon!! :flwr:

Mary
1st December 2006, 10:41 AM
Welcome back Danielle! I so hope happier days are ahead for you. Sounds like you had a tough time and decision and did what was best. So glad you are back with us!

yvonne
1st December 2006, 02:43 PM
Hi Danielle.
I got so upset when i read your mail. I really feel for you.
I seperated from my husband earlier this year too.
Don't beat yourself up over it. You DID make the right decission. I'm sure it was one of hardest decissions you've ever made. At least they are together and have one another. I'm sure they'll be happy. They'll adjust fine. Dogs are good like that. When you're settled in the new house you should think about getting another dog. Would you consider a rescue dog??? Then it would be extra special. Best of luck and chin up. Things can only get better.
Yvonne
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chelle
2nd December 2006, 06:17 AM
Thank you so much for the kind words. I am happy to be back amongst people that do understand. As far as visitation, we tried that but it did not work. It was too hard on me to see them for a few days then have to say goodbye, it was like having my heart broken time and time and time again. Plus, the ex used them as 'bait' to continue hurting me.
Danielle, I'm so sorry for your situation, and I really can empathize. I truly know how much you're missing them and how much it hurts. And it's really, really despicable when one partner has to use helpless animals (and children) as a pawn to hurt the other. Oooh, this is such a sore subject for me and I feel so angry for you.

I was in this situation with my ex, only it had a very tragic ending. We separated and sold our house, and my daughter and I were moving into an apartment. He was moving back home with his widowed mother (at 36yrs old, don't ask), and he was going to take Roxxy (a 7yr old Bull Terrier) with him. My daughter was 4 when we separated and she had been with Roxxy her entire life. They were inseparable. It broke my heart not to take her with me, but he was already threatening a custody battle with our daughter (not that he'd have won, but it was still all very stressful), and I figured at least at his mom's, she'd have a yard to run around in, and Nikki could still see Roxxy when she was over there visiting.

The day our house closed, he called from his cell phone to tell me he was on his way to a vet's (and made a point of telling me it wasn't our regular vet, one that I didn't know), and he was going to have Roxxy put down :shock: He said his mom was giving him grief about the dog moving in with them, and if he couldn't have her, nobody could. I was hysterical. I cried and pleaded with him to bring her to me, I'd work something out with my landlord, and even find a different place to live if need be. But his mind was made up, and he hung up on me. In desperation I called our vet but they said they knew nothing about it. He took her to an out of town vet, and did it :(

He drove by the house afterwards (while my parents and I were still there moving boxes out) and deposited her bed, collar, leash, toys and food at the curb. A dramatic and symbolic final 'f-you'. A perfectly healthy, 7yr old dog gone, purely out of spite to hurt me. I will never, EVER forgive him for that. It's been 4 years, and there isn't a day go by that I don't think about her, and miss her.

Anyway, I don't mean to make this about me, or try to minimize your situation, and I know it breaks your heart not to see them. But, try to take some comfort in knowing they are okay, and they are together. It doesn't sound like your ex is anything like mine and would do anything to hurt either one of them. I hope you are able to find some peace in that.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I understand :hug:

Here's a photo of Roxxy and Nikki, 2 weeks before we lost her:

http://www.fwchelle.com/misc/girldog.jpg

judy
2nd December 2006, 07:11 AM
chelle--your story was painful to read, i feel helpless and angry that this could happen. what a terrible person, such a good thing you and nikki got away, so sorry about roxxy, thanks for sharing the beautiful picture. i am just shaking my head. what a thing for you to have to go through. :(

i'm glad you have a new life and new puppy now. :flwr:

Cathy Moon
2nd December 2006, 02:47 PM
:( So sorry that happened to you, Chelle. :(

Shay
2nd December 2006, 03:05 PM
Chelle.....That is the most horrible story I have ever read. He deserved to be put down, not the dog. This is why I love animals so much, people can be so cruel......dogs just love you, no matter what. Sorry if what I said about you ex offends you, but I can't imagine a more despicable act.