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OhMarley
3rd December 2006, 06:32 AM
It has been a year this month since Jake passed away, time supposed to help heal a broken heart and yet I feel as sad as I did the day he went… Even writing this, tears immediately fill my eyes and stream down my face, I just miss him so much… I always knew when he passed it would be hard; I just never imagined it would be this hard. All day at work I watch beautiful dogs of all sizes romp around my room, playing, wagging tails, gentle eyes, and then they go home, as do I, except when I get home there is no wagging tail, no big brown gently eyes and it just saddens me.
How I miss my Jake.
This poem was given to me after her died and I still find it so hard to read, but I also just love it as it’s very much how I feel.. Thankyou for listening

“I Only Wanted You

They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

Author unknown”

Claire L
3rd December 2006, 09:28 PM
Hi Soma,
I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time :hug: I know exactly how you are feeling..... There are no words make it better.
We were asked if we missed Rudee and I started to reply but I couldn't stop crying long enough to be able put my feelings into words. My hubby wrote the following:

Of course we miss her dreadfully! You don't realize when you bring home a little eight week old puppy that she will virtually take over your life. Every family outing - where and when we go for an hour, a day, a weekend or a month is governed by her needs. Every meal has a bowl of scraps for her, filtered for her health.

Her tablets, her water, her nuts, her treats - they all came before human needs. There was a bed in the kitchen, the dining room, the lounge, the bedroom - yet she spent more time sleeping on the bare floor. If she did not snore beside us, we slept fitfully. I can still feel her lovely little soft paws, can imagine stroking her and hugging her. She even smelled nice.
Every time we took her out in the car, we had to cater for her needs for water and walks and wee. If we took her shopping, as we left the car she would eyeball her from the back seat - I could hardly resist bringing over strangers just to look at her gorgeous little face.

What's more, you grow to love the routine - you feel empty without it. We are totally lost without her. We keep getting attacks of the blues - often without warning.

So you see Soma - you are not alone in your longing. I'm on this journey with you and if you need someone to share your sadness with, I am here...please contact me whenever you need to. I'd love to hear all about Jake.

:flwr: :flwr: :hug: :hug: :lotsaluv:

ppotterfield
3rd December 2006, 10:34 PM
I lost my English Cocker Spaniel Abby a year and a half ago. She was two weeks from her 14th birthday, was not well and it was time for her to go. But I still miss every day. I am sure many others have had the same experience so know you are not alone.

Barbara Nixon
4th December 2006, 01:13 PM
Soma, I know how you feel having lost three dogs, two within four days. Like you when we lost Cindy and Sally we had an empty house, but , in the case of Benji, there was another dog, Monty, and this really did help.Since then we have added to the family.

You can never replace nor want to replace any dog , but another little soul really does help. There are many people who truly believe that their last dog sent them their new companion; some even seeing special mannerisms emerging in the newcomer. Please consider this.

Bruce H
4th December 2006, 01:15 PM
Soma
I'm so sorry it's still so hard for you. Loosing a family pet truly is like loosing a child. In fact, our dogs ARE our children. It's something everyone here on this board understands and we all feel your pain and can begin to understand how much you miss Jake. I know nothing that I or anyone else can say will make it better, but know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.

I pray that the pain of missing Jake will lessen for you and that one day you can remember him with happiness and less pain.

Linda
4th December 2006, 01:20 PM
Hi Soma :hug:

I have never been in your position of loosing one of my fur babies, I can only imagine the pain, hurt and sadness that you live in your day to day life. Please know that although we may not be with you in body we are in thought and anytime you need to talk you know where to find all of us.

Others on the board have sent so many to the rainbow bridge, I just recently had a friend who lost her cocker spaniel and it has been extremely hard for her. I know I like so many others dread the day I have to face this too but Jake is free of pain Soma and is playing with all his friends. This may not bring you any comfort but only more tears, but I am here also to try to ease your pain or help you in any way.

I received this from a lady who posts on this forum, she is someone I have never met and would one day love to. I have grown to love her more than some of my own actual family. :lotsaluv: So please please know that we understand and that although at times it may appear that not everyone in this big world we live in care someone, somewhere unknown does.
:l*v: Sweet Story About the Death of a Child's Dog

This was posted to a forum. I thought you might appreciate reading it as well:
*ng*l
"Our dog Abbey died Aug. 23, and the day after Abbey died, my 4 year old, Meredith, was SO upset. She wanted to write a letter to God so that God would recognize Abbey in heaven. She told me what to write, and I did. Then she put 2 pictures of Abbey in the envelope. We addressed it to God in Heaven, put two stamps on it (because, as she said, it could be a long way to heaven). We put our return address on it, and I let her put it in the drop box at the post office that afternoon. She was absolutely sure that letter would get to heaven, and I wasn't about to disillusion her.

. . . today is Labor Day. We took the kids to the museum in Austin, and when we came home, there was a package wrapped in gold on our front porch. It was addressed to Mer. So, she took it inside and opened it. Inside was a book, When Your Pet Dies, by Mr. Rogers (Fred Rogers). On the front cover was the letter we had written to God, in its envelope (opened). On the opposite page was one of the pictures of Abbey taped on the page. On the back page was the other picture of Abbey, and this handwritten note on pink paper:

'Dear Mer,
I know that you will be happy to find out that Abbey arrived safely and soundly in heaven. Having the pictures you sent to me was a big help! I recognized Abbey right away!
You know, Mer, she isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me (-just like it stays in your heart-) young and running and playing. Abbey loved being your dog, you know. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I
don't have any pockets to keep things in-- so I am sending you your beautiful letter back with the pictures--so that you will have this little memory book to keep. One of my angels is taking care of this for me. I hope this little book will help.
Thank you for your beautiful letter. Thank your mother for sending it.
What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you.
God blesses you every day and remember, I love you very much. By the way, I am in heaven and everywhere there is love.

Signed,
God, and one of his special angels *ng*l (who wrote this
letter after God told HER the words).'" :lotsaluv:

Cathy Moon
4th December 2006, 01:25 PM
Dear Soma, what a lovely poem!

I'm so sorry that you lost Jake. I have been there too; when my little Tasha died after 14.5 years, it was difficult for me to adjust. I missed her so much! The house just felt so empty, and I needed the happy greeting, the warm fur, and the sweet little doggy face.

After 6 long months, I decided to get another dog, even though I was worried how much I could love one after losing Tasha. We started our search for a puppy, and that's when we found our India, who I could not love more. :lotsaluv: When she came home, that emptiness vanished! Then we brought home two more cavs and life is full again!

I've found that I am a person who needs a dog, at least one dog, in my life. I hope you will consider getting another pup someday; it really does help! :flwr:

Nicki
4th December 2006, 01:34 PM
Dear Soma

I'm so very sorry, I do know the pain you are going through - I have three Cavalier Angels at the Bridge, and losing every one of them has been so hard.

The very raw pain you feel immediately afterwards does lessen, but there is always a sadness that remains. As Barbara says, you can never replace Jake but maybe another furry companion would help to fill that dreadful hole in your life. It's good that you do still get to spend time with dogs at work, but perhaps in some ways that makes it harder as none of them are YOUR special friend.

As Claire says you also miss the routine so much...after losing Peaches, I kept thinking I'd forgotten something as she was on so much medication and I had to remember to give it all the time...

We have photos up of our girls, and we still think about them and talk to them, even though they are not here in body they are still a part of our lives.

One of our girls, Fillipa, was particularly close to my husband - we lost her 3 1/2 years ago, and he is still so very upset. It's only recently, since finally feeling able to have another Blenheim girl, Kyla, with whom he has also bonded, that he's started to feel better.

I hope the story about the child helps you...thanks for sharing that Lulu, someone kindly posted it on here and I sent it to my special friends, as I thought it was so lovely.

You have to allow yourself to grieve at your own pace, don't listen to those who tell you what you should be feeling, that is something only you can know. Well meaning friends will still say "but it's only a dog" - they don't understand and never will...

This is the Cavaliers' only fault, they break your heart when they leave...but I hope that in time you might be able to share your life with another, I think there is no greater tribute to a dog than that you loved them so much you would like to offer your love to another little furbaby.

Thinking of you and sending hugs :flwr: :flwr: :flwr:

You may find it helpful to visit this site...

http://www.petloss.com/

Joanne M
4th December 2006, 01:50 PM
Dear Soma,

I can only imagine the loss you feel. Please know that my thoughts are with you and Jake. Especially now in this holy time of year.

God bless...

rory
4th December 2006, 02:30 PM
Soma -

I'm so sorry you've lost your beloved Jake. These anniversaries can be especially hard as they tend to bring back all the memories in full force and as fresh as the first day. :( Sending warm thoughts...
-Kendall

Lindsay
4th December 2006, 03:17 PM
Soma,

That poem was lovely. I think all of us as dog owners and lovers have been through what you are going through. I have had a dog in my life since birth, and I still miss all the little fellows from my childhood and on.

Just know that Jake was so lucky to have you as his mommy, and that you have hundreds of shoulders to lean on and understanding that this site provides.

Take care! :flwr:

duncans_ma
4th December 2006, 04:22 PM
My thoughts are with you as you continue to grieve for your beloved Jake. :flwr: :flwr:

Denise G.
4th December 2006, 04:47 PM
Soma-

Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. I haven't experienced this loss yet and can only imagine your feelings as I read your post.

I hope you'll be able to open your heart to a new puppy sometime soon, it's so amazing the comfort and love they bring to us.

All the best--

Cathy T
4th December 2006, 05:06 PM
Soma - I'm so sorry you are still feeling so blue. I would imagine I would too. I can't imagine losing either of mine but know that it will happen. I just read through your postings about Jake. You obviously loved him tremendously and gave him the best possible life. Remember that the loss is our lost....he is in a good place. I think it would be hard to see all of those other dogs and go home to none. Eventually you will find a little one to help you heal. He/she won't replace Jake (no one can ever do that!) but will help you heal and focus your attention on nurturing a new one. You gave Jake so much love and he was such a beautiful boy. How lovely to have him for 12 glorious years!!! Please rejoice in the fact that you were able to love this sweet boy for such a long time and gave him the best possible life.

Sending you warm and healing thoughts and hugs!!

Maxxs_Mummy
4th December 2006, 09:13 PM
{{{{{{{{Soma}}}}}}}} thinking of you on this sad day. I hope you will be able, one day, to open your arms and your heart to another furbaby. It will never replace Jake but might help to heal your heart a little.

It took me about 4 years to get another dog after the loss of my beautiful GSD girlie. Now I look back and wish I had done it sooner. It really does help to ease the big void left in your heart when you have another to cuddle.

Take care :flwr:

molly+charlies mum
5th December 2006, 02:09 PM
soma thinking of you at this sad time jake was a lovely boy try and think of the good times you had with him and remember he will always be in your heartxxxxxxx

OhMarley
7th December 2006, 09:28 AM
Thanks everyone so much for the support it means a lot to me. Jake was such a special dog, we got him when I was 8 years old he passed away when I was 21, he was my play mate as a child, someone to confide in as a teenager and a soul mate as an adult, we grew up together. He was there when I laughed, when I cried. He wasn’t a dog he was my best friend and I know missing him will always be hard. We are going to get another dog; we’re on the waiting list. I hope it will help fill the void he left.
I’m so thankful that I grew up with him, he shaped the person I am today. My passion for the animal was started with my first cat Toffee but accelerated when we finally got Jake (whom I had been begging my dad for since I could talk).
I know he’s on the rainbow bridge with his girlfriend Nelly (and Jemma hahaha) and his cat friend Cosmo, Kira and PussPuss. I’m sure my Nan and Grandad we looking after him too, they loved him dearly as he did them.
These creatures we share our lives with even though break your heart when they go are worth the heartache as I cannot imagine life without them in it, it just wouldn’t be as enjoyable.
Thanks again, having people who understand and don’t ridicule the pain of loosing him really helps me, thanks everyone

Claire L
7th December 2006, 12:22 PM
:D Hey Soma!
Glad to see you back on here. I was worried about you...hope you're feeling a little better. Glad to hear that you're on a waiting list and hopefully it wont be too long before you see a little face that captures your heart :l*v: Please keep us updated on your progress and remember; we are always here to listen and share your stories about your beloved Jake and all his friends...

:flwr: :flwr: :hug:

OhMarley
7th December 2006, 03:27 PM
Thanks again, I needed a bit of time out to think about things, just started going through pictures of him, it's still so hard but i miss seeing his beautiful face.
We're doing the garden up at the moment and once its looking beautiful we will lay his ashes to rest in his favourite part of the garden. We would have done it sooner but the garden looked so bad and he deserves the rest somewhere beautiful
I still have a lock of hair from his ears and tail and his collar so we're going to make up a big frame with those items and photos of him, i'm looking forward to doing it as we will be able to look at it everyday and remember how beautiful he was.

pat.alan
9th December 2006, 02:31 AM
hi my thoughts are with
i know only too well the pain of losing a fur baby
time does heal, but it takes a long, long time
take care
love Pat

arasara
9th December 2006, 05:00 PM
Soma,

I've been meaning to respond to this post for a while, but reading your post took me back to a very painful time in my life as well. You see, 1 1/2 years ago I lost my very best friend as well. Although not a cavalier, she was my best friend in the whole world and taught me so many things. I grew up with her. If you'd like to read more about the story, you can find it here:

http://www.cavaliertalk.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=2618

Soma, I am from Washington originally too. I lived in a place called Chehalis which is about halfway between Seattle and Portland. My family is still there. In fact, they were kind enough to send me a washington state pine tree wreath in the mail and surprise me yesterday. It smells so wonderful, I truly miss home.

I have to tell you that getting another dog is so rewarding, I can't even tell you how wonderful it is. Kosmo has helped me to heal so much from the loss of Xena. It doesn't mean that i don't think about her every single day still though, because I do. I miss her so much. Kos will never "replace" her but it is because of her that I am able to love him so much. I truly recommend getting another furbaby. I was not able to get Kosmo until almost a year after she'd gone as I thought "you know, nobody will ever replace her and it's ridiculous to think I could have a dog as good as her," but with proper time, love, care, and patience, it does happen. Although he'll never "replace" her my love for him is just as much as it was for her, just in a different spot in my life. Sometimes I like to think that Xena helps Kosmo out on the other side of the bridge. I really believe that she still does visit me. I miss her so much.. :(

Anyways Soma I feel for you and if you ever need anybody to talk to I will be here. In fact I'll be going home next June for my brother's graduation so I might just come up and bug you!!! hehe :P

Take care of yourself Soma and remember to take time for yourself as you're going through this difficult process. *HUGZ* to you!!