View Full Version : Dad had heart surgery today - UPDATE 2/28/07

30th January 2007, 01:55 AM
My dad had a triple bypass and a main valve replacement today. He lives in England and I am far away. My mum does not think I should go right now as he is in the hospital for 7 days and she said it wouldn't be worthwhile. My parents were supposed to come to Florida for 3 weeks in March, but obviously cannot now.
I so wish they could. I know Maddy would help him recover.
It's very hard when you are not near by. My sister is 1/4 mile away from them and does so much.
I am planning on sending lots of cards and calling a lot. He is in the beginning stages of Alzheimers also, so he does not always remember that I called.
My daughter who is 25 called him on Friday and said good luck on Monday. He said "what's happening on Monday?".
You have to see the humor, but it's sad too.

30th January 2007, 02:08 AM
My dad has sextuple bypass almost 3 years ago-- he had 95% occlusion on three major arteries. He was home four days after surgery. The doctor was amazing. I notice my dad has a lot more energy and his "color" is a lot healthier. Fingers crossed that all goes well with your dad.

Cathy T
30th January 2007, 02:35 AM
Pam - hope all goes well with your dad.

30th January 2007, 02:35 AM
Oh Pam, my thoughts and prayers are with you both. He may not remember that you called, but he knows in his heart that you love him dearly. ***HUGS***

30th January 2007, 02:43 AM
Hey Sweetheart ~

*HUGZ* to you sorry to hear you're going through this. I know it's not the "same thing" but my grandfather got REALLY sick and we almost lost him as we found out he had a 90% blockage in his aorta (the main blood freeway into the heart.) Anyways we ended up having to have his aorta replaced by a pig's valve!! He came out of the hospital 48 hours later and he's in GREAT shape today!! My grandma called me raving about 6 weeks after surgery saying my grandpa "acts like he's 20 again .. if you know what I mean" :yuk: :lol: Your daddy is going to come through everything GREAT!! If you ever need to speak with anybody or you get down, I've been there before (I had to spoon feed my grandpa for 7 days before the surgery as he was too weak to go in to have it. :( ) I've been there before - I'll try to help you in any way I can. :flwr:

30th January 2007, 03:08 AM
Pam, I hope all is well with your Dad soon. :flwr: :flwr:

30th January 2007, 03:15 AM
Oh Pam, I can relate...but it has to be sooo hard being far away from Dad.
Alzheimers SUCKS! It is an awful, awful disease!
Heart surgery is so amazing today...I'm sending my best wishes your way.

Prayers to you and yours!
Teddy and sweet, little Katydid

matties mum
30th January 2007, 07:26 AM
I know what you are going though my O/H had to have an heart op about 6 years ago and he got better very quickly sending lots of hugs ----Aileen and the gang(Jazzie--Barney--Sam)
PS just a thought we went on holiday just afterwards so maybe they might come

Joanne M
30th January 2007, 10:11 AM
Hi Pam,

I'm sorry you're so far from your dad right now. I agree with Chris, he may not remember every call but he knows you love him. My father who has a great many health problems has had numerous heart procedures, and once they were complete he felt like a million bucks. I can understand your comment about the humor in your father saying "what's happening monday". One of my aunt's had alzheimers. She passed away last year of a blood disorder at 85. She'd had alzheimers for 7 years and was still able to live on her own, with family checking in on her daily. Each and every day they are getting closer to a cure, and better and better medications to slow the progression. I hope they find it fast! I wish your dad could spend time with Maddy too, maybe by the late spring he'll be up to it. There is nothing like cavalier love and affection to put you right. You and your father are in my prayers.

Tucker and Joanne

Claire L
30th January 2007, 10:17 AM
Sending you big :hug:s and lots of prayers for your Dad.
Keep us posted on his recovery and as for the holiday; never say never!

:flwr: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Cathy Moon
30th January 2007, 11:24 AM
Pam, I'm thinking of you today and sending best wishes. :flwr:

30th January 2007, 12:50 PM
Thank you all so much! You have made my day better already.

30th January 2007, 01:08 PM
Big hug to you and lots of well wishes

If it helps my father works and lives in Taiwan and he had 2 heart attacks 3 years ago and a a stroke and part of his lung removed from cancer and he is still fine and well and even flew to the states last August for my wedding and stayed for 3 weeks. He had a minor stroke this year but is fine again So dont worry (I had my share) The Drs are much more experienced these days and bypasses are rather common now

Smiles and PM if you need to talk

30th January 2007, 01:42 PM
Big hugs to you and your family! We will be thinking of you! :flwr: :flwr: :flwr:

30th January 2007, 01:48 PM
big hugs pam, i'll be thinking about you.

30th January 2007, 02:32 PM
Please know I'm thinking of you today, I know how scary it is to have a loved one sick. I know everything will go well for your Dad. Heart surgery is amazing now. Your Dad knows how much you love him.

30th January 2007, 02:34 PM
{{{{Pam}}}} thinking of you and sending you hugs. Whereabouts in UK is your Dad?

30th January 2007, 03:03 PM
My sister in law is from England but has lived in Canada for yrs. She went through similar experiences with both her parents. You have to make the choice that fits you. Do what you are comfortable with. Hope all goes well. Having lost one parent to cancer, you are right, humour does help and in some way makes you feel closer. Keep your spirits up and bright.

matties mum
30th January 2007, 10:41 PM
Hows your dad today----Aileen and the gang(Jazzie --Barney---Sam)

Coco's mom
30th January 2007, 11:45 PM
Pam, that is so difficult. Please know we are all thinking about you and dad. :flwr: :hug:
Let us know how he is.

30th January 2007, 11:58 PM
My thoughts and prayers to your dad. Hugs to you too.

31st January 2007, 12:28 AM
Good wishes and prayers to you and the rest of your family, Pam.

It's so hard to be away from family at times like this. My dad had a stroke several years ago. I was only 4 hours away but the family kept telling me to stay at home because if I went to see him he'd think he was worse than he was.......that might have been best for him but was certainly hard for me!

Now we have hubby's Dad at 95 and not always feeling wonderful (had heart surgery 23 years ago) and his sister has Alzheimer disease. We are an 8 hour drive from them and it makes it so hard.

My heart does goes out to you. Hopefully he'll be able to travel soon.

31st January 2007, 12:33 AM
Well, I spoke to my mum tonight. Dad is doing well. He is very confused, some is normal (for him) and some is the aneasthetic.
He told her there was going to be a concert in his room and a band in the corner. He told her the doctor and nurse were fighting. He told her they had moved him twice (but they hadn't).
Again, you have to see the humor.
My parents are in Cheshire, England for those who asked.
Thanks for all the best wishes.

31st January 2007, 12:37 AM
So glad your Dad is doing well. I know you are relieved. :flwr:

matties mum
31st January 2007, 07:30 AM
Pam that sound like what my O/H said he keep saying that I had keep coming back in the middle of the night and I had killed somebody and I had spent all the money quiet funny at time but he could not remmeber saying anything so pleased that your Dad sound a lot better----Aileen and the gang--(Jazzie---Barney----Sam)

31st January 2007, 07:58 AM
glad to hear your dad made it through and is communicating, however oddly. i hope he recovers fast, i bet he will, from the heart thing at least.
dementia is relentlessly progressive, but if you can see the humor in it, and also, like it or not, it's far from unusual, most people get it to some degree, then you can cope better.

being far away is so hard. Happily, it sounds like he has a lot of family support, near and far, your mom, your sister, your daughter and you. He is fortunate to have so many people who care for him as he goes through this. I know that the surgery must be confusing for him, with all the medications and other things.

my mom has dementia. she outlived two husbands and lives alone at 88, but because of the dementia, i have had a helper go in 4 hours a day for the past three years, we've had a wonderful helper the whole time who has taken it on as a labor of love, but you never know what's going to happen, and suddenly after christmas, my mom got way more confused, and she hit her head and got a big bruise, and didn't remember how it happened, and doesn't know if it's day or night, and started staying in bed all the time and not eating, weight going down, big crisis, now i have someone there 24 hours for her, she's eating again and doing better, though still extremely confused, i'm looking into assisted living places, and feeling very much lost while trying to learn about the options and how to figure out what is right and how to do it. right now, trying to keep her at home, hoping she has enough support, trying to work it out so she can afford it, all new to me.

You are so right. Seeing the humor in it, and also the blessings and things to be thankful for, is essential. It's easy to think negatively when things get scary, and you feel you can't do enough or can't be there enough, and its happening too fast to step back and reframe things in a more positive way, but that's the way to go--thank goodness for modern technology, you can make lots of phone calls.

Throughout the onset of the dementia, my mom has gotten pretty depressed about it sometimes, but i can make her laugh about it, it's easy to cheer her up. I really admire the courage that she shows in existing with this challenge, and the courage of others who are going through it.

my mom doesn't remember when i call, even though it may have been just an hour earlier, but she's always glad when she hears my voice. I'm appreciating this time because she knows very well who i am and values our relationship. Maybe that won't always be the case, so rather than seeing what's missing, i'm staying aware of what we still have.

i sympathize with you, it's really hard to not be there in person--even though i live in driving distance, it's humanly impossible for me to work my job (which on the clock i get off at 6pm but need to work later often enough), and to get my bills paid, laundry done, etc, feed and exercise zack, and this new full time occupation i have of case management of her situation, and trying to learn how to do it right. sometimes i need to step back and see that it's all just part of life, and things work out.

31st January 2007, 12:46 PM
Oh, Judy. I feel for you. I have always sent my parents nice gifts, taken them on holidays to Spain and the Carribbean and got them tickets to come here to the USA.
My sister who lives a half mile from them is a single person with her own home and does not have a lot of spare money. She has said to me many times "I wish I could do that for them".
My answer has always been "But, Diane, you do more".
She helps them around the house, decorates for them, drives them all over now that my dad cannot drive etc. etc. etc.
It is a lot easier to help out money wise (or was until my husband retired) than to do all the work and emotional support that is required.
I wish I were there to help my sister, but I have a full time job here and a husband and a dog to support (LOL).
I particularly feel that my mum is exhausted with the emotional needs of my father. In the early onsets of alzheimers he has been afraid to be away from her.
Thank you so much for your kind words, and please know that I admire all of you that are caretakers.

31st January 2007, 02:52 PM
I am so glad that your father's surgery went well, my mother had some dementia too, as did my father....it's tough. Your parents are so lucky to have such a wonderful daughter!

31st January 2007, 04:29 PM
It's really difficult for those of us who are in the age group that are now taking care of our parents instead of the other way around. And as we all know, the distance makes it more difficult.

I keep telling Bubba that he needs to see his sister more now while she still knows who he is. He gets so depressed thinking about what she will going through in the future that I really feel sorry for him. I absolutely hate it for her because we have become really close in the past 10 or 12 years and it just hurts.

My Mom has COPD and severe osteoporosis. I talked to her earlier and she is in tremendous chronic pain. Part of the problem there is that their generation is hesitant to just tell the doctor. I asked if she had talked to him about it at her visit in January and she said he was running behind and didn't have time. Personally I would have made sure he had time, because I would have demanded it. But I think our generation and the generations below us take a more active role in our health. I've had lots of doctors give me a "look" because I take in a notebook and pen and make notes and ask questions. I think it intimidates them - or makes them think "oh no, one of those"

So glad your father is doing better, and once the anesthetic metabolizes he'll be a bit better mentally - at least maybe he won't have bands in the corner!!

Do we need a board for those of us who are trying to help our parents stay healthy??? icon_whistling

31st January 2007, 05:23 PM
my dog zack is keeping his parent healthy, me. he keeps me sane and positive, pretty much. :d*g:

matties mum
1st February 2007, 10:39 AM
How is your Dad today----Aileen and the gang(Jazzie---Barney---Sam)

1st February 2007, 11:32 AM
my dog zack is keeping his parent healthy, me. he keeps me sane and positive, pretty much. :d*g:

That's funny. I feel that way too.

1st February 2007, 11:34 AM
I haven't spoken to my mum yet. I called her this morning but she isn't home. When I got home last night it was 7pm here and midnight there so I did not want to wake her.
I know some friends were taking her to the hospital today. She does not drive so makes it hard too.

1st February 2007, 05:05 PM
I haven't spoken to my mum yet. I called her this morning but she isn't home. When I got home last night it was 7pm here and midnight there so I did not want to wake her.
I know some friends were taking her to the hospital today. She does not drive so makes it hard too.
Pam Its all so hard for everyone no matter whether your the child near, far or spouse. Its good your mom has friends to lean on. Hope today brings more healthy improvements for your dad.

1st February 2007, 06:57 PM
hi pam i have just read this thread i am thinking about you i hope your dad's feeling better soon. I have some experience of my grandparents been ill with heart problems but after the operations they both feel and look fantastic.

2nd February 2007, 10:15 AM
Hello everyone. I didn't leave work until 8pm last night, so did not get to speak to mum until this morning. She said dad got an infection yesterday so he is back in intensive care.
They said the op went really really well, it's just a setback and he will get better. Lots of fluid on the lung right now.
I told mum to let him know that Maddy got her first modeling job (on Tiabellas, modeling the kaleidoscope tag she wears) and she thought that would make him laugh! Laugh? I'm hoping to retire!

2nd February 2007, 01:34 PM
I'm sorry your Dad had a setback, but I'm sure that he'll be better soon. I saw Maddy's picture on Tiabella and she looks adorable. Maybe she will get more modeling jobs and you can retire soon :xfngr:

Joanne M
2nd February 2007, 02:17 PM
I'm sorry about your Dad. I hope the fluid issue is quickly resolved and the antibiotics are doing their work in clearing any infection. Your father remains in my prayers. God bless him and your family. Your parents are lucky to have TWO good daughters.

On the Maddy front, I can only hope that Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears do not see her gorgeous ad, because next time we see them, they'll have cavaliers as accessories instead of chihuahuas. All kidding aside, who wouldn't want to buy something that Maddy approves of, how could you say no to that sweet face.

Denise G.
2nd February 2007, 02:53 PM
Hi Pam--I've only just seen this post. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad's setback, but I'm sure he'll be just fine now that they've found the problem.

My Father also has Alzheimers and so I can understand some of what you're going through. He's otherwise healthy as a horse and is only 79 with a history loooonngg life in his family. His mother lived to be 99 years old. Once he got through the beginning stage where he was depressed and stressed about it, he did much better. In the beginning, he was very paranoid and thought the world was out to get him. Didn't recognize my mother and at times wouldn't let her sleep in the bed with him, etc. My poor Mom, at the time, was battling breast cancer of all things, so it was VERY difficult on her. She's since passed away--I miss her so much. These days, Dad is doing pretty well. He seems very content and in good spirits, though he doesn't remember much of anything or anyone. During these times, you learn to thank God for the small things.

Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way Pam. Keep us posted on your Dad. :flwr:

matties mum
4th February 2007, 12:06 AM
How is your Dad today---Aileen and the gang(Jazzie--Barney--Sam)

6th February 2007, 07:33 AM
I've been away - any update? Hopefully they have everything under control now and he is mending as he should.

Denise, I'm sorry to hear about your father. My husband's sister was diagnosed with Alzheimers several months ago and she is only in her mid-60's. (Funny how young 60 sounds as I get closer to it!) She's has confusing days and anger days and untrusting days - but she always trusts my husband. Could be because she doesn't see him as much. But she has reached a sort of "acceptance" stage right now where she knows that she's not right and knows that it will get worse. So sad.

My prayers are with you and your fathers - both Pam and Denise.

6th February 2007, 12:32 PM
Good news! My dad is back in a regular room. My sister said he still is talking nonsense a little, but much better.
Thanks for all of your good wishes.
Hopefully he will be home soon.

6th February 2007, 01:17 PM
I have been following the thread. That is good news that he is back in his regular room. We will keep the paws crossed for a quick recovery. :flwr:

6th February 2007, 01:58 PM
Hi Pam, Just saw this thread for the first time. (I am new to the group) So Glad your dad is doing better!!!! What GREAT news. I'm sending good wishes for his speedy recovery.


6th February 2007, 04:43 PM
:jump: Its a great feeling after being worried about a loved one - isnt it!

matties mum
8th February 2007, 10:46 PM
How is your Dad today----Aileen and the gang (Jazzie---Barney---Sam)

9th February 2007, 02:26 AM
An update. Dad seems to be doing well, but is still very confused.
He said that they took away his bed. He was sitting in the chair with his bag next to him when my mum and sis arrived to visit. He said "take me out of this prison, they took my bed away". My mum and sis told him they had a new bed for him. He settled in and said "oh, what a nice bed I like this one" and settled right in.
The docs have said they will not let him go home. They want him to do his therapy as an inpatient for a while. They said the anaesthetic really confused him and they want to keep an eye on him.
He told the nurses my mum had to come 300 miles to see him. She lives 15 miles away.
So, good news and not so good. They did say they might be able to transfer him to a hospital 3 miles from home. As soon as a bed becomes available.
It's actually better in some ways for my mum because she would have her hands full with him.

9th February 2007, 02:39 AM
Sorry to hear he is having some confusion. I hope he will continue to improve very quickly. :flwr: I think the older they are, the harder it cn be to bounce back from the anesthesia; it can be really confusing and if he is on painkillers etc they can really add to that. He must be doing pretty well physically though to have been out of bed and on a chair. :)

1st March 2007, 01:08 AM
Just wanted to let everyone know that my dad is beginning to get some strength back. He sat out in the sun for a little while at my sister's house. He walked to her house from his home (about 1/4 mile).
My mother was with him and it was slow going, but he enjoyed it.
Thanks a lot for all of your kind thoughts and support.

1st March 2007, 01:19 AM
Excellent news Pam. :flwr: :flwr:

1st March 2007, 01:24 AM
Great news Pam!

1st March 2007, 01:41 AM
I'm glad to hear he is doing better!


Joanne M
1st March 2007, 01:59 AM
Pam, wonderful news that your father is improving. How are your mother and sister doing? I hope the sun felt warm and healing on your father's face. My Gran always thought to recover from any illness one had to get out in the fresh air and get some sun.

Cathy T
1st March 2007, 02:27 AM
Great to hear Pam!

1st March 2007, 02:38 AM
Good luck with your father.....we went through some hard times when my father had lung surgery.

Cathy Moon
1st March 2007, 03:37 AM
That's wonderful he's feeling better! :flwr:

matties mum
1st March 2007, 07:37 AM
So pleased for you and your family :flwr: Aileen and the gang (Jazzie---Barney---Sam)

1st March 2007, 12:00 PM
Hope he goes from strength to strength Pam. It must be so worrying for you being so far away from him :(

1st March 2007, 01:56 PM
Glad to hear he is feeling better, Pam :) Take care :flwr:

1st March 2007, 04:19 PM
Oh Pam, so sorry to hear about your Dad, dont worry though, these days that operation is like getting a tooth pulled, he will be fine in a few days :D