View Full Version : parents! ARGH!
21st February 2007, 11:46 PM
I just found out what my dad really thinks about dogs and I am shocked and offended. This is coming from the guy who has had two dogs as a kid so how come I'm not heartless and I haven't even had my first dog more than a freakin' YEAR! My dad doesn't think the emotions of animals matter, after all, they're just animals. He won't pay to have Grace cardiac tested because "the vet said she sounds fine!" A VET is NOT a CARDIOLOGIST! My mom, the one who didn't want a dog, is the one who will actually consider it! My dad who wanted the dog and controls the checkbook is the one who refuses. Why am I a direct descendant of people I'm nothing like. NO ONE in my family history cared about animals, in fact, my dad's mom doesn't like them (but respects people who do so that's good). We haven't started a puppy mill yet but I can't understand how my own flesh and blood can be so uncaring! It makes me so mad! I can't afford anything or I'd do something about it, which I will once I get a buisness degree and start a doggy day care so I can breed Cavaliers and kill the genetic diseases people like them caused. What kills me is that both my parents have had dogs that they say they loved but the same guy laughs about the time his cat choked to death right in front of him and the time his cat was accidentally killed by his mom when she was driving. Yet he cried when our cat, Tom died and still keeps his COLLAR in a box in his room. And the same guy who returned Tom's brother to the shelter because he didn't like the fact that Jerry didn't like him. He ALSO spanked Grace when we were housebreaking her, somethng he read he was NOT supposed to do. I hate being related to people who tried everything to save Tom's life but won't make sure we won't have to go through the pain of losing Grace to MVD. Oh, we can afford to get her to a cardiologist, they just won't pay for it. Why am I the only animal lover in the whole freakin' family and what can I do to get my parents to care?
21st February 2007, 11:51 PM
I feel your pain. But, not much you can do. We had dogs when I was growing up but they never lasted terribly long. My dad's ideas of "disciplining" a dog made for some very unhappy and badly behaved dogs. The one thing I learned was....I will be much better with my dogs when I'm on my own and get to have my own dog. And I am!! My dad loves my dogs but he just doesn't have the patience for them. He does have goats.....and those goats just adore him. :D Funny, huh?!
Do you have health clinics? We have low cost health clinics and our dogs can be heart tested for as little as $25! Surely he couldn't argue with that.
22nd February 2007, 12:11 AM
The good news, is that Grace is still a young pup and not likely to need testing yet.
Maybe by the time she needs to be seen by a cardiologist, your Dad will have changed his mind.
Our beloved Charley died from MVD at the age of 14 years, 4 months.
Cavaliers *can* sometimes have a long life with MVD, if they are on the proper medications. :)
Most vets do know about the MVD meds., if that's any comfort. :) :flwr:
22nd February 2007, 12:31 AM
Oh you poor thing I totally understand your feelings Growing up I was never allowed to have any pets (imagine that as a an only child) as my parents were afraid and disliked animals. I loved animals since I was a child and at times wondered how I ended up the in the family I did Now that Im grown with a home of my own I have 3 cats and 1 Cavalier (for now) I vowed to make up for all those lost years when I so wanted a pet but wasn't allowed to
I say try to educate your parents more about Cavaliers and the seriousness of some of the diseases and go from there Grace is young so you still ahve time to get it check out as Zippy said
Good luck! :flwr:
22nd February 2007, 12:33 AM
Is there anyway that you can discourage your Dad from hitting Grace.
No dog should be physically disciplined. As a small dog, a Cav could be injured from being hit. I am sorry you are going through this. Can you sit down and discuss this with your parents? Please hang in there and continue to give as much love to Gracie as you possibly can. Maybe you can intervene if Gracie has an accident or does something that angers your Dad, and try to clean it up quickly. You could keep an eye on her before she does something that he doesn't like :flwr:
22nd February 2007, 02:02 AM
A Cavalier should certainly never be hit, and especially not a puppy! apparently even a gentle rebuking tap on a pup's nose can do some damage, let alone an actual spanking! :yikes :yikes
While I've never been in your situation, I understand your feelings. I was horrified to find that my father in his troublemaking days used to shoot cats and birds with an airgun. Then again, he lived on the notorious Falls Road. There are worse things he could have been involved in, given the climate of the time. Dad became a 'born again' Christian as a young man, and now tries to convince my uncle not to take my 12 year old cousin shooting rabbits and whatnot. Some turnaround!!
22nd February 2007, 03:07 AM
That must be really distressing for you. I can't think of anything comforting to say :(
... except that sometimes people are a product of their generation. What our grandparents did with their pets may horrify us today, and what our parents did may make us feel un-good. Just remember that you are not responsible for your folk's actions and while living in their home & relying on their purse you have little power to change things. Just do your best & know that you are the generation that breaks the cycle. :hug:
22nd February 2007, 07:27 AM
Caraline, you have said exactly the things I was thinking. And probably better than I could have said it.
My parents grew up in a time where vet care was just not something that was done. I grew up with a dog that they had put down because she had a mammory gland tumor. She had never been spayed, lived outside, etc. That's just the way they thought it was supposed to be.
Then I came along. After trying several different kinds of work I landed a position in veterinary medicine and knew I had found the right place for me. My entire family was dumbfounded, because it was like an alien had come into their lives. Mom and Dad took better care of their cats then they ever had of any other animal they had, but still not as good as I would have liked. But they have changed some, I certainly do everything I can for my animals, and my daughter does the same. I feel sure that hers will follow suit.
Sometimes we have to accept the fact that we aren't a whole lot like out parents in a lot of ways, and that is often a good thing. How would we as a human race continue to improve without change?
Keep your cool and don't be too confrontational with them. I don't know the age dynamics we're talking about here, but no "parent" wants to be confronted by their "child" regardless of the ages involved.
Gracie is still young. Try not to get too worried at this age about what might be and enjoy what is.
22nd February 2007, 08:43 AM
Oh ! my dear ! that's terrible ! Cavaliers king charles don't need being beaten to understand. I think they are the most intelligent dogs in the world.... aren't they ?
My parents are very old and they have always said that they don't want another dog when Flopy died three years ago. And I bought Ulysse and he is so faithful, so affectionnate with them that they can't bear living without him ! yesterday I went to the countryside and I took Ulysse with me. They missed him and said a house without a dog is a nightmare !!! How happy I am. Ulysse is my ninety-five-year-old father's best friend !
Don't give up and try to make your parents understand.
22nd February 2007, 10:34 AM
deleted my msg
22nd February 2007, 03:11 PM
Isn't it amazing the difference a few years between generations can make? You have taken the responsibility of educating yourself about your special little Grace. You understand the risks of this breed. Like others have said, it should be a while before Grace is at risk so it is not an emergency to get her tested this red hot minute.
If I recall from your previous posts, you are around 16(?) years old? You sound ALOT like me when I was 16. My parents could do no right, period. I had a hard time understanding my parents actions and morals and exactly who they were, especially my mother. I literally had to educate myself on the situations they came from to understand who they are as people. Until I did that, I thought that I "hated" them as well and it was agony to be in the same room. When you are feeling this way, just bide your time. You don't live with your parents forever, and it gets alot better in the next few years.
Blame it on ignorance because unless they have done the extensive research on this breed that you obviously have, cardiac testing would seem irrelevant, especially if the normal vet says that Grace is fine. I would never see my dad shelling out the bucks to have testing done on an animal unless it is an emergency situation. It does not make him a bad person by any means. And it does not mean that he doesn't love the animal either.
Keep positive thoughts through this time and be glad that you know you are right about this situation. But also keep in mind that they are your parents. You can have 100's of pets in a lifetime, but you only get 1 set of parents. :flwr:
22nd February 2007, 11:21 PM
When I was a kid, I thought they were perfedt. Now I see their faults and it's scary! About other things, they're pretty cool, not stupid as in the way teens see it cause I'm different than most teen girls. I hate dressing up, clothes shopping, and all the girly things teens like me are supposed to like. Instead, I like dogs. My parents may not like them as much as me, but I think they need to use common sense! Now Grace is housebroken and we never spank her anymore, but still! We had a cat when I was five, Tom, that my dad got so attached to, he did everything, and I mean EVERYTHING to try to save him from his kidney problems but Tom ended up dying anyway. Now we have Grace and he seems to have forgotten what it felt like to have his beloved pet shake violently and die in his arms when he brought him in to be put down (he was too late, Tom died in the clinic). He's forgotten the tears he shed over Tom's death. Now he won't even make sure the same won't happen to Grace, who has given him as much, if not more love than Tom ever did. It makes me wonder who will keep Grace's collar in their drawer- me or my parents.
Now I know Grace isn't in danger yet, but I want to get her tested now to save us money, so in the future she may not have to undergo major surgery. If we discover a murmer early enough, we may not have to do as much to stop it. I want Grace to come visit me in 10 years!
23rd February 2007, 12:33 AM
he'll be like you WILL do this or i will wack the dogs till theyre bleeding!
Im going to try and say this gracefully~ and I in NO WAY hold you accountable for your living situation or your parents behaviour...Having said that, I find this to be extremily disturbing...Not only for the sake of the dogs but for you, a young teen living in a house that is ruled by intimidation...
Frankly I hope that there might be some adult that you can trust to help discuss with your father his obvious anger management issues, his drinking problem or stress related outbursts, whatever it may be.
Im very concerned....and this is not a healthy enviroment, reguardless if he apologises in the morning or not...there is simply no excuse for an ADULT to say this to a child.
Sending a hug, and my most heart felt prayers and strength your way.
23rd February 2007, 01:05 AM
You say he seems to have forgotten the trauma over the cat's death. I think that just the opposite is true. He remembers it all too well and has made up his mind that he is never going to love another animal that much again.
Just my opinion - speaking as one of the "older generation".
23rd February 2007, 07:47 AM
and this one
23rd February 2007, 11:45 AM
I am SO glad I come from an animal loving family who have always treated the dogs as part of the family, to the point where my mum has worried in the past in case I might have had to part with my previous dog "because other people probably won't treat them like we do". Yes, she was worried that other people wouldn't be good enough.
Fortunately, it never happened and my previous dogs were with me for life but I do understand where my mum was coming from when she said it.
I was thinking only the other day, what if I have to go into hospital for anything, who would be good enough to look after Bertie cos they won't treat him the same as I do.
Enough rambling, only wanted to say how relieved I am to come from such an animal loving family! lol!
26th February 2007, 09:59 PM
I called the animal hospital. Apparently, the vet who said Grace was healthy discovered a heart murmer in the person I talked to's cat that other vets didn't notice. Apparently she's very good at that and treats other Cavaliers. Also, the animal hospital knows about SM and MVD so we go to a very good one!
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