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View Full Version : help! i'm at my wit's end.....



inoubliable
9th July 2008, 11:58 PM
i don't know how to say it other than, i don't know if taking on the two puppies was a wise decision. we have been trying to train them separately and it's not working! we can't even separate them for walks, sleeping, eating, playtime....all they do is cry and bark and chew through whatever they can to get to each other. hurley has even figured out how to unlock the crate and go get noodles! they are so unruly i can only let them out for playtime when my kids are taking naps, otherwise they play only with each other which means they are jumping around, biting, and growling and knocking into the kids. the kids are getting nervous around them. the incessant barking and growling is driving me crazy. what do i do???? i thought to maybe see if i can get a friend or family member to take one for a few weeks while we work on the one brother, and then switch. does this sound doable? i don't want to give them up - we made a commitment, but i'm wondering if i'm doing right by the dogs and the rest of the family. :(

Karlin
10th July 2008, 12:04 AM
Please talk to the club rescue in your area. They will be able to advise you. It is very, very had to take on two dogs at once even for someone who is experienced, so please do not feel you are failing the dogs. You just stepped into a very challenging position.

I think you would still end up with a difficult situation if you rehomed one through rescue, because the other would be pining and desparate at least initially and that is already a situation you are finding hard to manage (as would anyone).

As these two dogs have been rehomed a few times I think breed club rescue is really the most responisble and helpful place to go -- they will rehome the dogs after a careful evaluation. :)

I have regional breed clubs pinned to the top of the rescue section of the site, but you could also PM either Nancy or Bruce H and I know they would point you in the right direction.

You are caring and responsible to recognise when things feel too difficult -- it can be very hard to do this. :flwr:

It really is not doable to swap the dogs around -- you are talking months, not a week of work. Also they will for their lifetime, need separate and equal time and training. You need expert guidance at this point too -- I would not take on training this pair on your own. Separating them will only create difficult behavour in the one you still have. And kids must also be managed around dogs, especially with a smallish breed.

A solo dog at a future point would likely be far easier and match your family's needs better than two untrained rescues with behaviour issues.

littlelady
10th July 2008, 12:04 AM
Oh im so sorry to read this i really can't help you i only got 1 dog and she is very good, Karlin would be able to give you more advice! i hope you get things sorted and you and the dogs are a happy family.

Cathy T
10th July 2008, 03:29 AM
i don't want to give them up - we made a commitment, but i'm wondering if i'm doing right by the dogs and the rest of the family. :(


I respect and admire that you've taken the responsiblity of these two dogs seriously but also think you may be in over your head. And that's a hard thing to admit...but I'm afraid that might be where you are. I absolutely realize that your intentions were well meaning and that your heart was totally in the right place....but this may not be the best situation for the dogs.

Please seriously think about contacting Rescue. There is nothing to be ashamed or embarsassed about. You've truly done your best and tried to do the right thing. Sometimes our situations just don't allow the right thing to actually happen.

Daisy's Mom
10th July 2008, 04:04 AM
I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I remember Daisy's first couple of months at our house. It sounds like exactly how your dogs are, but there was only one of her so I can't imagine if there were 2 like her! I posted here several times about how desperate I was feeling and I, too, started to question whether she was the right dog for us. I cried several times during that period, let me tell you! I waited 15 years to get my dream dog, and I couldn't imagine giving her up, so the fact that I considered it at all tells you how desperate the situation was.

We got through that time with some phone help from a trainer, puppy classes, obedience classes, and with lots of perserverance, and now she is just the best little dog in the world and we wouldn't give her up for anything.

If I get another puppy I would be way more mentally prepared for all the frustrations that surprised me so much with Daisy. I had puppies as a child, but they were not nearly as challenging as Daisy was. She was a little terror in a lot of ways. She got a lot more manageable about the age of 5-6 months, if I remember the timing correctly. I honestly think that if we had had 2 of Daisy, we would definitely have seriously considered giving one or both back to the breeder. It is especially tough with young kids around when the dogs are playing so rough. At least your puppies take it out on each other and not on the kids -- I guess that's a blessing!

I really feel for you and wish you the best in your decision. No one will judge you if you decide you have to give one or both of them up. And if they do, then it's because they haven't been in your position, and to heck with them. You can only do what you can do, you know? Good luck to you! You'll be in my thoughts, if that's any help! :xfngr:

Nancy
11th July 2008, 01:31 AM
Where exactly do you live? I think anyone is going to have problems with these 2. If you're committed to one, and feel capable of training one dog, yes, they will miss the other but realistically they won't be placed together and will likely be separated even in their foster homes. I know it's like cutting the baby in two bible story, but honestly, I do think that is one solution, to keep one, and give one to rescue, IMHO.

WoodHaven
11th July 2008, 06:10 PM
Training dogs, much like anything else (raising kids, having a significant other) takes a certain degree of knowledge, resources and confidence. The question is: HOW badly do you want to make this work and what are you willing to do to get there.
I've raised multiples (2-4 pups) on numerous occasions. The more pups you have, the more difficult it can be. I agree with Nancy. You may want to give one of the pups up. It will help the pup focus on you and its training. We split up a pair of tri brothers that came into rescue. They are doing better apart than they were doing together.

Karlin
11th July 2008, 07:30 PM
Just keep in mind that you will need to put considerable time in to a single dog as well -- as these two have clearly never had much training and have some behaviourial issues now. It would mean classwork, perhaps some private work with a behaviouralist, and daily work/practice sessions. Also you will need to keep children/dog interactions supervised and structured.

I am sure anyone from breed rescue will go through all the possibilities with you. :thmbsup: I'd definitely talk to club rescue to ensure that someone with good familiarity with the breed and the potential challenges is working with you, whatever the outcome. Unfortunately for the dogs and for anyone wishing to home one or both, someone's early mismanagement and neglect has helped create problems that need direct addressing and some experienced guidance so that all ends happily for all involved.

Dog ownership is always an active and time consuming process and definitely not for everyone even at the best of times -- so be sure this is what suits your family. It never benefits family or dogs to make what is a decade+ long decision on ownership based on feeling guilty or pressured. Cavaliers can always be easily rehomed -- they are generally a lucky breed in that way -- so make sure full time dog ownership, for even a single dog, is something YOU want, for the next 10-12 years of your family life. The behaviour of even a solo dog will not change immediately, and will require a lot of remedial work over the coming months. :thmbsup:

chloe92us
11th July 2008, 07:57 PM
I agree with everything that has already been stated here. Having two puppies is extremely difficult. I have several friends who have tried, much to my concern, and all but one "got rid of the dogs" because they could not train them (housetraining & behavior problems). Multiple dogs are easy, but two puppies of the same age are not. Also, I think you said they are 10 mos old? This is similar to the teenage years and they can become very defiant and destructive at this age if they are not trained properly which is hard enough to do with one.

I would highly suggest you place one with rescue and realize that it is best for the DOGS. Don't try to place one yourself- rescue will go above and beyond in finding the pup a perfect home since they will know the background. They will work to find someone with experience in training.

They have had 4 homes now in their short life and separated will have a much better chance for success in a new home and forever happiness. Most likely, anyone who adopts the pup will have an older more mature dog for companionship.

Good luck!