View Full Version : I need Heart felt advice

28th April 2009, 06:38 PM
This isn't something that I like talking about, especially so soon after getting my baby Anna, but in the next month and a half or so I'm going to be moving AGAIN :*gh: I'm being moved to Argentina for the foreseeable future. (3 months minimum) I do not know what to do with my pup. I love her with all my heart and so does my bf, but he can't take her because of his relocation as well.

I just don't know what to do. I can't take a pup to Argentina, I'd have a 3 month quarantine getting there and 6 months upon return. That's 9 months total that I wouldn't know how she is being treated.

I could try to leave her with my family, but they aren't to please that I have a dog in the first place, they think that I shouldn't have one because I'm just starting my professional career.

That said, my parents who only live a few miles from me as of now do have two dogs. A mother and a daughter, both owned since puppies or in the case of the daughter since the day she was born.

Anna will be 10 weeks this Friday and I could return her to the breeder, but is that a good thing to do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.



28th April 2009, 06:47 PM
Awww, Anna is adorable and she has my birthday.

Sorry about your job ... I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I personally would suggest you return Anna to the breeder. That's what I'd do in your situation. She's at a really important age right now for training and I would want someone who I trust watching her during this time.

As much as I'm sure you love Anna and have bonded with her, you have to also think what's best for her. Perhaps when you get back from Argentina, if your job and future residence are more stable you could get another puppy?

28th April 2009, 06:55 PM
Awww, Anna is adorable and she has my birthday.

Sorry about your job ... I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I personally would suggest you return Anna to the breeder. That's what I'd do in your situation. She's at a really important age right now for training and I would want someone who I trust watching her during this time.

As much as I'm sure you love Anna and have bonded with her, you have to also think what's best for her. Perhaps when you get back from Argentina, if your job and future residence are more stable you could get another puppy?

I have to agree with Lani and say return little Anna to her breeder. This way Anna can find a permanent home whilst she is still young enough to adjust more easily. I understand you love her but you have to put Anna first and think of her future. Let us know what you decide to do.

28th April 2009, 07:05 PM
Could you find someone to watch her for the 3 months for you? If you are financially able you could offer them a little $ for it, but not nearly as much as you'd pay a boarding kennel. I'd offer to watch her, but I'm in the St. Louis, Missouri area, and there may be people closer to you on this forum who'd be interested. I'm sure it would be nicer for her to be in a home environment with other dogs to play with if possible.


28th April 2009, 08:01 PM
Could you find someone to watch her for the 3 months for you?

It may not be three months -- it is a minimum of 3 months, 'for the foreseeable future'. That's tough when you can't know.

It is very difficult, but yes, for more than this instance alone, I'd return her to her breeder. :flwr:

As much as you clearly love dogs and are devoted to your pup :) , I think you need to do a very hard task -- be very honest with yourself (in order to be honest about owning a dog) about where your career may take you and how a dog would fit into that. If you are seeing lots of travel, especially months to years away, it is really not fair on a dog to not have its owner there for months out of its relatively short life. Also, as you are seeing, long term boarding and even rehoming is not easy, even with a puppy, and a cavalier pup can far too easily end up in a dire situation where she ends up being a breeding machine.

I'm sure many here share my experience. As much as I badly wanted a dog much earlier in my life, I initially was renting accommodation for more than a decade, and could not see how I'd manage -- it is hard to find a rental place that takes dogs (and landlords remain a major reason dogs andcats get left at pounds and rescues). Once I was working, my job also involved lots of travel and I spent about 2-3 months of each year back in California too. I knew this was grossly unfair on a dog.

Once I bought my own house a decade ago and also decided to limit my travel, I got two cats, as they are easier to leave alone if needed during the day or for short stints away, and easy to board (I had in-home visiting carers so they could stay at home; they are indoor cats). I had them for amost 5 years before I felt ready to further cut back on my work travel, and also felt settled enough and older enough (eg I wasn't going out a lot in evenings and weekends) to also make a commitment to dog. When you are younger, there are many attrations in life that mean dogs will be left alone all day, and/or all evening -- again, it is a sad sort of life and it simply isn't fair on the dog. They are social animals and bond with their owners and want activity, challenges, exercise and companionship with their owner, not just another dog. No dog simply wants to be parked in a house or garden while its owners are living their lives somewhere else.

Others realise it is too hard to combine young kids and dogs, or a job and commute with dogs. There are many reasons why the best decision is to wait til life is right for the dog, so that the dog fits in and the owner fits the dog, not just that a dog is desired.

Given your puppy's young age, she will very quickly adapt into a new home and your breeder will know how to place her responsibly. If for any reason you are unsure of how the breeder might do this, or the breeder will not take her back, then please contact breed rescue -- contacts for all regional rescues are pinned at the top of the Rescue section.

Good luck in your career though and the exciting places it is taking you! There will always be a cavalier there eventually when your life is more certain, fixed and settled. :)

28th April 2009, 08:18 PM
Well I've phoned the breeder and left a message asking her to call me back when she gets a chance. I'm feeling really used right now. My company, whom I was just hired by, said that I'd be in Dallas with very little travel, maybe a weekend trip once or twice a year. Then I get a call this morning from my boss saying that I have to move to Argentina in the Patagonia's just a week after I signed a lease on a house (A two year lease to help on the price with a good down payment). I have a nice size garden and an even bigger yard that she was going to be running around in.

I still haven't ruled out the option of leaving her with my parents. I'm supposed to have a meeting tomorrow morning to learn about what I'm doing down in Argentina and maybe some good news will come out of it.:xfngr:

If I was to return her to the breeder should I ask for any of my payments back?

I had Teddy since he was a year old and him leaving still has left a huge hole in my heart. Anna has helped fill that void that was created when Teddy left me, I just don't know.

I will keep everyone up to date with what is going on. I know that nothing will happen before May 20th so anyone who is part of the Dallas CKCS club will get to meet my BF with Anna at the meet up on the 16th. (I have my last final on the 16th)


I need a good pint of Ice cream and a movie. :(

brid kenny
28th April 2009, 08:40 PM
I'm so sorry. This is a very big decision for you.

heather r
28th April 2009, 08:45 PM
So sad for you and wish you peace once youhave reached a decision about your pup.

At it's young age, I would say that it would best be returned to the breeder.

Heather R:(

28th April 2009, 09:38 PM
Is this a reputable breeder you're talking about? If it's not, I would consider Cavalier Club Rescue. Just a thought. No, I don't think you would be entitled to any money...although the circumstances are unfortunate, the breeder has no control of them and this would be a decision you made, not her. She will however, be responsible for finding a wonderful new home for her.

I'm sorry you're having to make such hasty decisions. Good luck.

28th April 2009, 09:46 PM
If I was to return her to the breeder should I ask for any of my payments back?

Certainly,if the dog is in good medical health you should at least ask for a partial refund.Depends though on what your contract states.


28th April 2009, 09:49 PM
oh, so sorry you are facing such a decision. I cannot speak for you, but I believe I would return her to the breeder, provided the breeder is reputable. Cavalier rescue would be the next best option. While you really shouldn't expect your money back, you might ask if she would refund to you some of the purchase price back that she is able to recoup once she finds the puppy a new home. If she sells Anna for the same amount that you paid for her, I don't see why she wouldn't be willing to at least partially refund your money.
Good luck in your endeavors. I am sure this is all very stressful. Change, even exciting and much anticipated change is stressful. Couple that will your recent loss of Teddy and you have a lot on your plate. Take care and make your decision a calculated one.

28th April 2009, 10:14 PM
I would expect a full refund for a puppy I'd had only 2 weeks or less. What does your contract say? How well did you get to know the breeder? If you are not too sure about her, or if she refuses to return anything at all, I'd just tell her you are going to hang on to her then, and contact club breed rescue for the region as they will responsibly rehome.

Fingers crossed your meeting helps clarify what the company is considering and why they want you gone for so long. It sounds like a fantastic opportunity though -- again, maybe a reason to think about whether owning a dog is more important than the ability to see the world as part of your job over the coming years. Consider that your pup will need 10-12 years of full commitment and cant really go through long periods of boarding. It is a tough decision but what you are really deciding is whether you want to be close to home for the next decade, or the ability to travel etc.

I'd definitely want to get a clarification on what the company sees your role as being, over the coming months/years. Could you have lots of trips or last minute relocations like this?

28th April 2009, 11:29 PM
If it was me, I'd change jobs or persuade Mum to keep her for a while. I don't mean to make you feel bad but I think you'll be kicking yourself later for giving her up. :( :hug:

28th April 2009, 11:37 PM
If it was me, I'd change jobs or persuade Mum to keep her for a while. I don't mean to make you feel bad but I think you'll be kicking yourself later for giving her up. :( :hug:

:xctly: I do think that I would be kicking myself later on. Except for me, a biological geologist, there are extremely few jobs in my field that aren't teaching positions. I wouldn't mind teaching, but I really want to do a bit of active research before I pursue my post doctorate.

I'm going to be talking to my mum and dad tonight about seeing if they can take care of her while I'm away, that would be the best option. She'd have two older sisters and my human sister to keep her company.

29th April 2009, 12:09 AM
Oh I really hope they agree, I think they would. Only problem is, they might not want to give her back! You'll have to take the "I told you so" about getting a dog on the chin. Let us know asap ok :hug:

29th April 2009, 12:38 AM
I really feel for you. We had an opportunity to move overseas just a month after we got our Retriever pup. In the end we turned it down but both hubby and I had jobs that we enjoyed already so we did have a choice. Had we decided to go we would have returned Zeus to our breeder because I know she would have found a loving home for him.

29th April 2009, 02:59 PM
Have you come up with a plan????? Judy

29th April 2009, 11:30 PM
I don't mean to make you feel bad but I think you'll be kicking yourself later for giving her up.

I don't think this should be the case and is not considering the dog.

I really think the consideration has to be the larger picture and what is best for the dog overall, not just trying to work around this single trip -- which is why I am advocating total honesty about one's own future plans and whether they can really accommodate the sacrifices necessary for providing a responsible and fulfilling home for a dog. If there's ANY chance that a job will involve multiple trips, there's a very poor quality of life ahead for the dog. And what happens when parents feel unable to mind a dog? Are they going to be able to keep taking a dog for such long stretches, on short notice? It is harder on a dog --and especially the owner! -- for the dog to have to be rehomed once it is older. Also, it is not as easy to rehome an adult. If 3 months minimum turns out to be 6 months or a year -- you will return to an adult dog that has no idea who the original owner is and is totally bonded to the home it is in now, and the other dog in the house.

At this age, unless you are absolutely sure you will be home in three months and will never again be required to travel again for the next decade for more than a week or two now and then, I'd strongly advise rehoming the puppy. Or rehome her permanently to your parents if they want another dog. But is it really fair to her to leave her in one home and then remove her months or more later back to a one dog home where people she won't even remember will be at work during the day, with the regular risk that she might either need rehoming or to be boarded for months at a time?

Unless you can commit to full time dog ownership for the next decade-plus -- which means a different type of job that won't involve travel, or a partner committed 100% to full time care for the dog when you are away -- it is much better for her future for her to go to a full time permanent home, not to be bounced around. You need to be there especially over the next 12 months for training, management, etc -- puppies are a huge job and lack of training and socialisation now is very damaging to a dog. This is the most critical age in her entire life and is when you create the adult dog she will be.

29th April 2009, 11:49 PM
Well I've got some news to share.

Today I had a meeting with my new boss to talk about what was happening. Argentina has a major office that my company works out of in the Patagonias, he told me that I would be going down there for a minimum of two weeks every year for however long I work at the company, and I can do that. I'm extremely happy to say that if two weeks is all it wouldn't be to bad, but he did say that for the next six months I will be stationed down there :cry*ing:. But after that I would have at least twelve months before returning. I'm really happy with that.

So some better news. I've talked with some friends and my parents and they are happy to watch Anna while I'm gone, but even better news is that my BF isn't being transferred. He is staying in Dallas working for AT&T. So worst case senario is that he can watch her.

I've been contacted by my breeder and she said that minus my deposit she would gladly accept Anna back and help rehome her. That made me very happy :thmbsup:.

I've also been contacted via PM by some rescue members on this board and I want to give a heart felt THANK YOU! To all of you, you know who you are. Knowing that someone who would help me just because they love is breed is so enderring you cannot understand how happy it made me feel.:hug:

So I guess at the end of the day, I'm going to Argentina for 6 months. I leave on May 25th, just a week and a half after school is out. I won't be back till Thanksgiving. :( My BF has promised to keep Anna happy and content until I make a final decision on what happens with her. I'll join them tomorrow and get to see my baby for the first time since I picked her up.

I'll be in Dallas for the next week before returning to take my exams. I have a face to face meeting again tomorrow to hammer out the final details. :*gh:.

Once again I will keep everyone up to date!!!!

30th April 2009, 12:45 AM
I agree to think about the ckcs rescue. There is a waiting list for most of their dogs. I know because I have been trying to adopt a rescue for a while. I know they do everything to provide a stable loving forever home for all of their dogs. I guess it depends on the breeder. I hope your parents would change their minds and maybe give Ana a home.
Pat & Riley B&T male cavalier New Jersey

30th April 2009, 12:49 AM
Sorry I just read the update Good news for you. So glad Anna will have a home and you can be part of her life!!!
Pat & Riley

Cathy Moon
30th April 2009, 01:45 AM
I would return her to her breeder, and then wait until I would be more established in life. IMO puppies are a 100% full time commitment, just like a baby or child. :lotsaluv:

30th April 2009, 02:02 AM
I agree with Cathy. Your baby does deserve a full time commitment. There is another baby out there for you when the time is right. I know it is a hard decision, but this way you wouldn't have to worry about her when you are not there. If I had to be away, I would be worried senseless about her. She is so young that she would adjust just fine to a new family. I didn't get my Dixie until she was almost 11 weeks, and it was a perfect age for her and me... Just think about it.

30th April 2009, 08:17 AM
Aw...Im so sorry! Such a tough decision, but yes, Id look at taking her back to breeder also, or else, finding her a really good home, one you are guaranteed will give her all the love that she deserves and more! She is only 10 wks, so she will easily settle somewhere else. Best of luck with all:confused:

30th April 2009, 09:33 AM
I do not think 'watching' a dog is adequate for the very important first year of her life. When you return, you will not be her owner. Whoever has been minding her will be, as far as she is concerned. She will then have to go through the stress of being 'rehomed' to you. A 6 month wait is quite simply, TOO LONG. She will have no idea who you are, and her strong bonding for life will be to whoever cares for her NOW.

'Watching' her is also not acceptable. She will need vet care, formal training, housetraining, and life as an indoor dog -- not left in a garden. She will need daily socialising.

Please consider this from the viewpoint of this dog's future.

30th April 2009, 11:12 AM
To be fair,your breeder is being very generous about this.If I were in your position,I would return the pup and allow her to have the chance of a loving home where all her needs can be met and where she forms part of a permanent unit.
Being "watched" just isn't adequate for a cavalier puppy.It takes major committment to raise a small pup and you know this yourself.I feel that this is not the right time for you to take this pup and once your career stabilises in a few months/year,perhaps Anna's breeder can keep you on her list for another pup.
Take your money back and put it to good use in setting up your new move,let the pup go where it's wanted,welcomed and truly loved.

heather r
30th April 2009, 09:19 PM
Sorry but I have to agree with recent posts. Having had several dogs over the years, I can tell you that the first year or so makes a huge difference in how a dog becomes part of the family. There is training, socialization and so much more involved than just housing a pup. Your not being there for the next 6 months will be really difficult unless whoever homes her has had dogs before and has trained them from puppyhood.

Think carefully about your decision and do what is best for that precious little one who is depending upon you.

Heather R

30th April 2009, 10:48 PM
Sorry kmatt but i also agree with the recent posts IMHO any dog needs stability just like a child but especially so at such a young age & Anna will naturally bond with whoever takes care of her inthe next 6months then be confused on your return, which could possibly cause behaviour problems.
As has been said a furbaby in the future when youre more settled& established in your career is maybe the best option for all:)
Good luck with this difficult decision,& i do feel for you