PDA

View Full Version : Am I crazy



linderbelle
6th January 2012, 07:37 PM
Oh guys I miss Abbey so much and my head is saying I want another one. Have I lost my mind? I have 3 dogs also and love every one of them but the house isn't the same with Abbey gone. I went through this when we lost our shih tzu about 10 years ago and wasn't long before we got our Winston who is still with us. I can't replace Abbey--I know that. I remember when I went through this that I even went in and talked to my vet about it and her first reaction was no but then she listened to me and said you have to have a dog. At the time we were a 1-dog house. I swore I would never have another cavalier but at the same time I have always said how much I love the breed. I'm alot smarter than I was when I got Abbey but I wouldn't give Abbey up for nothing.

Feedback? I even e-mailed a breeder today god forbid. I now work also but oh how I love my "kids". Our two-legged kids are grown and gone.

Linda

Sabby
6th January 2012, 11:56 PM
You are not crazy Linda. We always say we wouldn’t have another Cavalier, just going through the early stages of SM & CM with two of mine has put me of for life. But then the other day my husband said I think we always have at least one Cavalier.
I really don’t know what I will do when I lose my Harley one day. I think I go crazy with grief as he is everything to me. Either I would get another dog straight away or I couldn’t bring myself to get a dog for a very long time, but then I would just sit and dwell on the past.
I think you must do what you feel is right in your heart and whatever brings you happiness.

BIZA
7th January 2012, 12:53 PM
You are not crazy i'm just the same at the moment i said i would never get another cav as Pip had so many things wrong with him but now i really want another one and found myself looking at older ones again but i know that i have to have an op in Jan sometime so i must be sensible

Karlin
7th January 2012, 05:48 PM
It isn't crazy but is unwise I think to do so without letting at least 6 months or so go by so that you are not doing something of such huge long term commitment straight out of the pain of loss-- because what you are missing is Abbey, not simply missing a dog in the house, as there are three other loving dogs already there that need you right now. Four is a lot of commitment -- and any time anyone considers this breed they do need to think whether they are able for the terrible journey you have just been through -- how would you cope if you had three months of a new cavalier to find it also has SM? To face that challenge again, you need to give yourself plenty of time to heal. It would be a hard burden to go through again but especially so soon.

I think it is very important to take time to grieve and give the lost companion plenty of time to move from fresh and painful memory to a gentler place in the mind. You have three dogs that need your care and love and who will also be missing a companion -- and have probably not had as much time understandably given all your worries with Abbey (I hardly know anything about any of your dogs except Abbey -- I think all of us would like to get to know them better over time now :) ).

It is also hard on both people and the new dog to bring in another dog as a replacement or to fill a gap when it will be a completely different personality and individual in its own right. The existing dogs have only just begun to adjust to one longtime companion missing -- which is stressful for dogs too -- and adding in another is another stressful situation.

I think it does take months, sometimes a year or more, to properly absorb the death of a loved companion and to be fully ready for another * in its own right* -- meaning not just as a replacement or a new entertainment or something to take the mind off loss (in the same way that we need time to grieve human friends and family when they pass away).

I do think, from long experience, that it does not benefit either new dog or human to rush to get a new dog when one has died. It is a terribly distressing and complex emotional loss to lose a dog, especially one that has needed extra care over time. Be sure to take the time to honour the lost one and be in a positive place before thinking about another. I'd wait at least 6 months before even considering another so that everyone has more perspective and time, and so that hen you are ready, you can begin to put in the time and effort to locate a good breeder or to work with a rescue.

Desrae
7th January 2012, 08:53 PM
You are not at all crazy, just grieving. It takes a lot of time, and as they say, take one day at a time... and give your three doggies a hug and take in the comfort they can give you. :hug:

linderbelle
8th January 2012, 02:51 PM
I'm not jumping into it Karlin and the more I think the more I lean towards waiting. I am grieving and grieving pretty hard I might add. I cry every day and say 50 times a day "I miss Abbey" and tears are flowing just writing that. We're also leaving for a mini-vacation in June and in July going to Norway for at least 2.5-3 weeks and that wouldn't be fair to leave a puppy. You said I don't talk about my other dogs in here and that's probably because of always having a situation in regards to Abbey so the bad outdid the good lets say. They are all different for sure and all beautiful. I will try to talk about them more and come in here more. When I went back to work a year and a half ago time wasn't as abundant as it used to be.

Trying to keep a level head it would probably be best to wait until Sept. and that would give my heart more time to heal also.

Linda