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myboys3
19th April 2013, 07:18 PM
:paw: Hi all. I am at a loss here. We have always had Cavvies and loved them all, but we had a special boy whom we lost a couple of months ago. My "Buddy" was 10 years old and he and I had a very special bond. I have loved with all my heart all our little Cavvies, but my "Buddy" and I were especially close. We've lost Cavvies before, but this time, I feel terribly confused about how I am feeling. I am continuously having "flashbacks" of him as a puppy, of all the things we did together, his last moments in life etc, etc. I am finding myself continuously breaking my heart , crying uncontrollably, and have an actual physical pain in my chest...am I going mad??? The little Cavvies we have lost over the years I have broken my heart over too, but this time, it feels so different. As crazy as this sounds, I feel as if a part of my soul is gone...I have a wonderful husband whom I love dearly, but I feel as 'tho I have lost the love of my life...only you guys on this site will understand...is something wrong with me???...I have never ever felt this way over any of my other wee dogs in the past...I've tried and tried the "acceptance" bit...how do I handle this, what do I do??? Also, does anyone know of a site etc. where you can get a replica stuffed toy, made up of your dog's photo? Thanks Guys, love to you all and your wee furbabies. :paw:

mybluesky
23rd April 2013, 03:36 AM
I wish I had specific advice and I don't, but I want to send huge hugs out to you. Losing a pet is like losing a family member, and is just indescribably hard. I lost a collie when I was a teen that I was really close to, and I would still cry about it many years later. Being able to bond with our babies is a huge part of the joy of having them, but also makes losing them so difficult. I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope the good memories you have and time will help soothe the hurt in your heart. I'm sure many many people here understand all too well what you are going through!

MomObvious
23rd April 2013, 12:04 PM
I think we all grieve differently and you need to give yourself a break,its alright you feel like you do. Obviously this was part of your heart and its only natural to miss him. Here is a link to information on bereavement support

http://www.cavaliertalk.com/forums/showthread.php?9422-Bereavement-support

I sincerely hope you check it out. Support of other people who are going thur what you are I have found is very helpful. Also speaking of asking for help, possibly talk to your own doctor about your mood....especially if you feel like the grieving process has been going on too long. To me, there shame in asking for help.......even if it means going on an anti-depressant or showing up for a support meeting.

Best wishes and please keep up posted

Karlin
23rd April 2013, 12:48 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. I agree too with the previous posters -- sometimes a bereavement does have a much greater impact for all sorts of reasons and if feelings are overwhelming and making it hard to think of much else, I would really encourage you to try some of the good contacts for bereavement support at the link posted previously. This is a good place to start, with people who can talk with you and really do understand what you are going through. :flwr:

We are very happy to have you here, sharing, too. :)

rubles
23rd April 2013, 02:01 PM
Myboy3
I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost my Rhodesian Ridgeback a few days ago and am experiencing almost all of your feelings. I've been reading the sites recommended by Karlin and find them helpful. I hope you are too.

Karlin
Thanks for sharing your vast knowledge. It's helped me more than once.

sunshinekisses
23rd April 2013, 08:30 PM
There is a term for a very special dog called "heart dog" and it describes when you have a bond that is deeper than a normal dog-person relationship with a dog. When you loose a heart dog you will know, it is different than loosing any other pet. My first cavalier was my heart dog, I still cry about losing her. Your grief is stronger and may last longer when you lose your heart dog, but with any loss time will make it better. Just give yourself some time to cry and mourn. Your dog was very special to you and losing something special is always difficult.

myboys3
23rd April 2013, 11:46 PM
Thank you all so VERY much. It is so comforting to know that we all understand how each other is feeling. I have had a look at the support sites, and I guess in time this will get easier, 'tho it sure doesn't feel like it at the moment. "Sunshinekisses"...thank you for your input...I'd never heard of that term before..."heart dog"...you hit it on the head, that is EXACTLY how I feel... my darling "Buddy" was...(IS and ALWAYS will be) my "heart dog". As I said, I've loved all our wee dogs, we have another 2 wee Cavvies at the moment, but here's me (who is such a softie and a real pushover), resenting when they are having fun and playing...I keep feeling they SHOULDN'T be...this scares me, because I used to cuddle them umpteen times a day...NOW...I feel myself distancing myself from the poor wee souls, I know I'm doing it and just hate myself for it...is this normal? Thank you so much Guys...hugs xxx

Margaret C
25th April 2013, 02:01 AM
When my heart dog died I foud myself resenting the only blenheim dog I still had in the house, although I could still take some pleasure in the tricolours.

It did get better and Tommy eventually became almost as precious as his Grandfather.

Don't beat yourself up. You cannot make yourself feel different but you can go on knowing that it will get better.

CSutherland
25th April 2013, 02:20 AM
Two+ years ago I would've thought this was a ridiculous thread; then we got Bentley. We fell mad passionately in love with him, then 11 months later our daughter, my "heart-daughter," died after a 3 month battle with a vicious cancer that consumed her body. Now I can't imagine what we'd do if we lost Bentley. We're in our 70s so maybe he'll live as long as we do....

myboys3
25th April 2013, 11:59 PM
Oh, thank you so much for all your replies...so I'm not going "mad" at all !!! I feel SO guilty about distancing myself from our other wee Cavvies, but I guess (from what I've read here), that this is sometimes normal. I've gotten into the habit of looking at rescue sites and dog pounds in our area, to see if I can find my "Buddy"...I guess I am looking for him still, even 'tho I know in my heart he has gone to Rainbow Bridge...CSutherland...I am SO sorry about your wee heart dog with cancer, my "Buddy" had cancer too, but he fought until the very end, and apart from losing a bit of weight, he was still very active. My heart goes out to all of you on here, I feel as if we've all become "pals"...grieving together.

Kate H
26th April 2013, 08:32 PM
Much as I love my rescue Aled, Oliver has been my special dog - mostly because we have done so much together - I showed him when he was younger, we have done competition obedience, he was a Pets as Therapy dog, we've had wonderful holidays in Northumberland and Norfolk, he goes on buses, trains, ferries, the London underground and takes it all in his stride, nothing fazes him, and he has a huge fan club. Now he's a wicked old man! Many of us know how you are feeling, and what you won't get on this forum is 'But it's only a dog.' Each of our dogs leave a hole in our lives, some bigger holes than others.

Kate, Oliver and Aled

CSutherland
27th April 2013, 05:53 PM
For the record, the "heart-daughter" I referred to was my first-born daughter, one of my twins, born in 1963. I probably didn't make it clear that Bentley came to us, actually from this same daughter, in January before our daughter died in Dec. He has been a gift from God, as she was.

Lilabet
27th April 2013, 10:36 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. I think I know how you feel.
We lost our dear ten and a half year old tri-colour several days before Christmas. She had just been diagnosed, (after a couple of vomiting episodes), with cancer. It had already spread to her liver and spleen. I felt so bad about it as she had always gone for her regular six monthly check-ups and we had been so particular with her when she had any other medical problems.
She was such a character and was always aware of all that was happening in our household. In a way, I felt I had let her down.
I also felt bad for our other little Blenheim as I could see at times he was watching for her to come in.
We took in another little Cavalier from Rescue and she has been great company for us all but it is only now I am beginning to lose the guilt and enjoy the memories of all the good times although I still feel upset when we go places she enjoyed without her.
Take care.

3kids1cav
28th April 2013, 01:57 AM
Bentley is my first Cavalier and Velvet my second (first two dogs ever actually) I have not lost one. I have lost special cats before and really grieved. My mom and I were talking about special pets that have died, and discussed when it is time to let go ect.. I mentioned Bentley and said how I can't even think about it with him, I can't stand the idea, I almost started crying so we had to change the subject.. I am pretty sure my Bentley being my first cavie will end up one day being the source of a ton of grieving for me. But I make myself look at it this way, I have 8-12 years or so to make wonderful awesome memories and enjoy every second with these two wonderful cavies, I plan to look back on them and smile, even if I am sad they are gone. I can only imagine how awful you are feeling. I started crying for you when I read the thread :( My only advice is to focus on the times you had with your cavie that made you smile and laugh and remember how wonderful the time you had with him was.