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JaneB
16th October 2005, 10:21 PM
I can't breathe, I can't stop crying or blaming myself! This morning my sweet Bea somehow escaped our fenced backyard and was killed by a car. This was the first (and last) time she had ever escaped. She was only ouside for a few minutes and then she was gone - forever. I feel so silly being so devestated but she was my constant shadow for the past 18 months. I haven't been to the hairdresser, the coffee shop, the bathroom :cry: or even to work without her, what to do, what to do. I thought this might be one place I could pour out my grief and be understood. These silly little dogs aren't like dogs at all, just little people in funny fur suits. I've lost dogs to old age and it is always painful, but never have I had my heart ripped out like this. My husband says she's in a better place but frankly, there is no better place than in my arms. I am so angry that something like this has happened. It was my duty to keep her safe and I failed miserably. I apologize for this posting but truly, I needed to write and vent. Please say a few blessings for my darling Beatrice. She was the perfect little girl.
Jane

Mary
16th October 2005, 10:27 PM
I am so sorry Jane. It is an unfair death. I have lost pups to old age too and that is so painful but losing a young one is so much more difficult. The pain is so new right now. It hurts to the very depths of the being. I hope each day brings a little less pain and a wonderful rememberance of special times with Beatrice. Hope your heart finds another pup in time to give all that special love too. Bless you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Karlin
16th October 2005, 11:12 PM
Jane, I am so, so sorry to hear this. What a deep loss for you and it must be unbearable. You did protect her and did all you could -- sometimes the very unexpected happens even despite our best efforts There was no way you could have foreseen something like this and sometimes our dogs do something that is totally unpredictable and unexpected. My heart goes out to you as losing one when young is so very difficult. Take the time to grieve because she was a part of the family and you are right, they have such distinct personalities and presences. If you'd like, please post a picture of her here to share her with us, when you are ready. Bea and you are both in my thoughts.

Ruth
16th October 2005, 11:42 PM
Jane I don't know what to say except I feel for you. Please try not to beat yourself up over this, unfortunately tragedies happen.
While she was with you she had the best she could have had, your love.
Thinking of you,
Ruth

Cathy T
16th October 2005, 11:59 PM
Oh Jane, my heart goes out to you. Reading your post made me just gasp with pain. Poor thing. There's a reason they're called "accidents". Don't beat yourself up, you didn't do anything intentionally, it was truly an accident. Yes, feel her loss, that's what you need to do. Hugs and hugs.

JaneB
17th October 2005, 01:26 AM
Thank you all, this has been one of the worst days of my life but it helps to know that even people whom you haven't even met can share in the pain and be of comfort. Once I can get myself straightend a bit I'll post some pictures of my sweet Bea. She was one in a million. Getting her was a struggle as I was dealing with a very shady breeder. Of course, I didn't know that at the time, just thought she was a flake. She has since lost all her licenses and has been convicted of fraud. But the good thing was I eventuatlly got Beatrice. What a darling she was and will be missed by the many she touched. We had just started our "therapy training" for hospice work as she was so little, just 11 pounds, and so very gentle. It's hard to grasp all the things we won't be doing. I thought she would be with me for years to come. Again, thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I do so appreciate your concern.
Jane

rory
17th October 2005, 07:12 AM
JaneB-
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through, but know I will be thinking of you and your family.

If you need someone to listen who understands and might be able to help, you should call the Pet Loss Support Hotline - staffed by trained vet students from UC Davis Vet School:
http://www.vetmed.ucdavis.edu/petloss/

Again - I am so sorry this happened. You are NOT silly for feeling the way you do. Not at all. Cry as much as you need to and know that we are here to support you.

-rory's mom

Jen
17th October 2005, 02:26 PM
JaneB,
I am so sorry for your loss, and please, don't blame yourself as accidents happen and this exactly what this was. It wasn't your fault. Take the time you need to grieve, she had a special place in your family and deserves to be remembered for the loving little girl she was.
I am thinking of you and your family, and again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Spencer'sMom
17th October 2005, 09:47 PM
JaneB,

I too am so sorry for your loss. Please know that Spencer and I are thinking about you and Bea. She'll always be in your heart and you in hers. She was a lucky little lady to have you as her mom.

Whitney

Nicki
19th October 2005, 09:36 PM
Dear Jane

I'm so very sorry to hear your devestating news. You are in the right place here, we all understand how you feel about Beatrice, Cavaliers are incredibly special and not like any other breed.

Please don't blame yourself, sadly these things happen, and I wish we knew why, but the World doesn't seem to work that way.

Bea had a loving home, and a wonderful time with you - sadly some never know that love. I'm sure she knew what a lucky girl she was, and how much she was loved.

I hope that one day you will feel able to share your life with another Cavalier - a tribute to your special relationship with Bea.

We are with you in your pain, sending comforting thoughts and ((((hugs)))).

You may find this site helpful too

http://rainbowsbridge.com/hello.htm

Dee
20th October 2005, 03:54 AM
Dear Jane,

There are few words that can express how sad we feel for you and for Bea. It was not your fault, sometimes terrible things happen to wonderful people (and sweet animals). I think I can say that we hate to see you experiencing what we all fear most. Know that we cry along with you. Hopefully time will bring peace and your memories with your precious Bea will bring comfort.

Darby's Mom
20th October 2005, 11:54 PM
Oh Jane,

I am crying reading your post... words cannot express how very sorry I am to hear of your loss. As hard is it may be, please try not to blame yourself. These things happen despite our best efforts sometimes. Take comfort in the many wonderful memories you both shared together. Her little life, albeit short, was absolutely brimming FULL of more warmth and love than most dogs ever experience.

My heart goes out to you... I swear, Cavaliers are the closest things I have ever seen to angels - you will meet again someday, to cross the Raindow Bridge together....

Maxxs_Mummy
23rd October 2005, 11:59 AM
Dear Jane,

I am so sorry to hear about your darling Bea. Accidents happen Jane, and I'm sure Bea is now a furry angel looking down on her mummy and will be forever. As Nicki said, she was luckier than a lot of dogs, knew she was loved and had a lovely life. Sadly, for one reason or another some just aren't destined to have long lives here on this earth.

Jane, my heart goes out to you. For now you need to grieve but may you take comfort in the knowledge that you have known the love and joy that only a Cavalier can bring. icon_heartthrob

JaneB
26th October 2005, 04:39 PM
Forum Friends,

I can't express how heartwarming it has been to have, and truly feel, the support and sympathy from all of you. Losing Beatrice has been a horrible blow, but being able to share the loss of her with this wonderful group has helped so very much. It is so refreshing to be part of a group of people that treat one another with respect and friendship while maintaining an openess to different thoughts and ideas. Cavalier People truly are the best friends a person (or doggie) could have. We hope that one day soon, we will find a new baby to love.

Again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

JaneB