2 years - its been two years. a little ramble.
two years ago, it was a monday. and it was valentines day. It was also pjamma day at work (daycare)
oliver had been diagnosed with MVD in November, and we had been watching him slow down over the last few months. theres something to be said knowing your best friend is dying and not being able to do a damn thing about it.
Saturday, his tummy bloated and we knew it was time. my parents were away, but we texted back and forth.
i rushed out to michaels and picked up a stepping stone kit, where grandma and i crafted a stone with his paw prints and sea glass. it has the inscription " Give him your heart, he'll give you his" from Marley and Me.
Sunday i had a bad fever and couldnt get off my couch.. Monday i went to work with a sore throat, and broken heart. We decided we would put him to sleep on friday. I had warned my coworkers when time comes i wouldnt be at work that day..but i told them since it was going to be that friday i would try and muddle through it.
a few hours later, i recieved a text message from my dad.. IT was time. he would be taking him in that day.
I was devestated.
Taking the kids inside..my coworker (who its pretty nasty person most of the time) asked how i was doing..and i started to cry..telling her about my dads texts. that i wasnt even going to get to say goodbye.
The nasty coworker..did the kindest thing she did for me in 4 years.
told me to go home. she said go home..say my goodbyes..spend time with my puppy..and then go to the doctor and get my throat checked out.
I got in my car and went to grandpas. in my jammies i sat in my grandpas living room and played with my puppy. My dad came...my mom came..and we all said our goodbyes.
i stayed untill my dad took oliver away.
then grandpa lent me some clothes so i could go to the doctor and get my throat checked...(i didnt wanna go in my pjs)
on my way to to get my throat checked, i tried to look over..to see my dad taking oliver to my sisters work to say goodbye. It was the last glimps of him i ever got.
i never made it to the doctors..i turned around and went home..cralwed into bed..and cried untill i couldnt cry anymore.
i recieves messages from my sister..asking if i was okay (she knew how close i was to oliver)
i recieved messages from my cousins fiance(of one day) saying how sorry he was..
when i finally dragged my bum outa bed and got to the doctor that night..he said i had strept throat and was to be in bed for two days.
it gave me time to mourn my baby before going back to work.
As many on cavalier talk know..it was a very very hard year for me. Christmas eve was probably the worst of it all..because the memories of our 'last christmas' together was so fresh. chrsitmas you have traditions..you do the same things..see the same people..year after year (or at least we do) so to be doing the exzact same thing that year with out my buddy, was rough. but i put on a brave face..and no one knew how much i was hurting.
that night..my cousin decided to leave her (annoying) dog at my aunts house where i was staying..and he came down and slept with me..in the spot oliver had the year before. It was a comfort at least..but i did spend the night crying myself to sleep.
Last valentines day was the yearaversary.. i had some pretty strong words for the day..that i only would relay to my closest friends and coworkers, (never to my parents)i tried to keep it positive..gave out valentines to random people..people in my building i never met..the bus driver.. we got together with neighbours i grew up with..that i hadnt seen in over a year because my parents sold the house..
Two years..and a lot of changes.
Im finally in a different job..that i love.. in a basement suiet close to the area i grew up in only nicer, instead of the apartment building in the bad area of town).it finally feels like home... and i have a 4 month old puppy snuggled up on the back of the couch, retsing her head on my shoulder as i type now. I am happy. i am in a good place in life..and i am happy. things are good.
still.. i am not at a point where i can say happy valentines day and mean it. Its not a happy day for me..and its not because ive been single every single year ..its because it reminds me of my buddy..and how i miss him. I dont like all the hearts..the cards..the flowers..the cookies..
thats the trouble of a tragic thing happening on a significant date...you remember that date..and you relive it year after year.
We lost our 13 year old cat max a yearish before oliver, to kidney failure. I dont remember the date. So you dont dread it for days coming up..you dont mope the whole day. just every now and then..remember him.
My best friend was to get married on september 11th. she said she wanted to turn a negitive day into a positive one..have people remember happy times on that date.
I was a brides maid.. and my parents were invited. I talked to dad that morning and he said mom couldnt make it..she was sick (my moms never sick.) and thats exzactly what i said to him. and thats exzact quote my bestfriend said to me when i said she was sick. shes NEVER sick.
so she begged me to invite my grandma. last minute..but my family is her family (we are pretty much sisters..and she is not close to her family..they werent invited)
i called..no answer...she asked me to keep trying but i felt weird enough calling last minute i didnt try again just agreed to.
it was forgotten..untill laster that night..dad pulled me aside and said my mom...infact was not sick (NEVER IS) ..it was my grandpa.. he had a massive heart attack..and wasnt expected to make it. and if he did..hed be extreemly brain damaged. the whole family was over from vancouver(all 18 of them)
it was spetmeber 11th. When something happens on a significant date..you remember.
so while everyone updates their status's 'i remember what i was doing 10 years ago" i said "i remember what i was doing last year" every single minute of that day is engraved into my memory. i will never forget it.
Grandpa..by the way.. as many of you probably already know.. is doing just fine. he pulled through..with absolutly no brain damage..man has a better memory then i do. He is currently helping out with Maggie.
The family now calls him superman.
My favorite band..the script..released a song on their latest album..the first lines in one of the song are
"it was febuary 14th, valentines day. the roses came but they took you away." It hits close to home for me.
Its a true story, was written about the guys dad..who died on valentines day. it's called "if you could see me now" if anyone wants to check it out. It's pretty good.
2 years..a lot has changed. Im happy.. but every now and then..especially on valentines day..i get a little sad.. i am still thinking of you buddy.
i love you. and i miss you. Keep an eye out for meeko..he will be joining you and maxie soon.