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Thread: Feeling guilty!

  1. #1
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    Unhappy Feeling guilty!

    Hi everyone, looking for a little reassurance. We brought Molly home 10 days ago and all has been going very well (she's now 9 weeks old). I'm currently off work and so have been able to stay at home with her. I mentioned in a previous post that I will be returning to work in a few weeks and have concerns about this. Today I had to go out for 3 hours as I had a meeting I couldn't get out of. I thought this was too long to crate her so left her in her exercise pen with water, her bed, some toys and a puppy training pad. She was not happy!!!! It seems she really doesn't like being confined to her pen - she barks and whines for ages!!! I've popped her in there now while I quickly wrote this message and she's going mad!! I'm assuming that when I leave the house she will settle down after a while, but I just feel so guilty. When I came back this morning she had had a wee and a poo on the floor (not used the pad). This is no big deal and I was half expecting that she would, but just wondering if there's any way of encouraging her to use the pad when she's in the pen. I'm starting to get very stressed out about going back to work - even tho I'll be home by 2.30pm and I've employed a dog walker to call in for an hour while I'm gone to feed and walk her. The guilt when I left her this morning for the first time was terrible as she seemed so distressed!!! I don't want to undo all the 'good work' she and I have been doing re: house training either when I start back at work. Any reassurance and advice greatle appreciated
    Alison Scott
    Molly (Blenheim)

  2. #2
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    As you are off at the moment are you spending every minute with her?

    You could try popping her in her pen when your in the room for short periods, ignoring her when she's noisy etc. Then start leaving her alone for a couple of minutes, before popping back in.

    Its upsetting to see the upset I know, but once she learns that you will always come back hopefully she wont get so upset

  3. #3
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    I have been with her pretty much 24/7 since she came home which is obviously why she was distressed when I went out today I'm going to have to start getting her used to being on her own a little at a time - I really felt like I just abandoned her today. I will start putting her in pen while I'm in room - tho I always feel like such a witch when I do this! Will just have to perservere with the puppy pad and hope she catches on!
    Alison Scott
    Molly (Blenheim)

  4. #4
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    Yep that's the right advice -- you need to be working her up to longer periods when she can be happily confined, and have her get used to being confined when you are still arround too, rather than suddenly put her in a situation where you leave her alone. Puppies will always complain if left alone -- it is a built in response, Mother Nature making sure a puppy doesn't get abandoned. But you need to work to train your puppy to accept being left alone (as canids do in the wild by leaving puppies alone for gradually longer periods).

    There's advice on how to do this in this post in the Library section of the site:

    http://board.cavaliertalk.com/showthread.php?t=14390
    Karlin
    Cavaliers: Jaspar Lily Tansy Libby Mindy
    In memory: Lucy Leo
    Cavalier SM Information site:www.smcavaliers.com

  5. #5
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    We used the pads with Murphy when he was a pup, sometimes he'd get it, then other days he'd pee right beside it don't worry she'll get there in the end.

    I still feel bad when I go out to work, I get watched as I leave with the huge eyes telling me to hurry home

  6. #6
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    I know it is really difficult to leave them alone but she will have to get used to it slowly.

    When my Molly first came home (as a rescue) she had major separation anxiety and would howl and scream if left alone even for a few seconds. I gradually built up the time until I could leave the room and she would stop barking quite quickly then I would go back in and praise her. This way she got praise for being quiet and quickly realised that I always came back . She's doing really great now and I'm sure your Molly will be the same soon.
    Casshon

    Molly (Blenheim) & Bella (Tri)
    Honey, Cassie & Tiki (Cavalier Angels)

  7. #7
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    As a working mum, I feel guilty every day for leaving my little Jordi at home , but he is getting better and better.

    He still makes a fuss whenever we leave him, he is especially bad if he can still hear us or see us outside. After a while he calms down and starts playing with his toys or falls asleep.

    He is hyper when we come back home at first (that's when I really feel guilty!) We make a fuss of him and praise him for being a good boy when he calms down a little.

    In the beginning he used to reck the place and have lots of accidents, but he is getting better. Lately, we can leave him almost all day on his own with almost no accidents, provided we take him out to the back garden or for a walk as soon as we come back. If we get delayed, then obviously he can't hold it any longer and may have an accident.

    We have started giving him a treat right before we leave the house. He gets distracted for a few minutes, so we can sneak out without him seeing us and going mad. Seems to work!
    Noa & Jordi (blenheim)

  8. #8
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    If its only for a short time, I would leave her in her crate with a few treats, so shes distracted and you can sneak out of the house. I did this with Ginger and now at 1.5 yrs old, she goes straight for her crate when the treats come out in the morning. I presume she stays in there and naps because when i get home, shes still in her crate, stretching and yawning as she just got up!!!
    When she was a bit older, I put her in a pen situation, a small area though, with her crate, water and a wee wee pad. It worked out well. Gradually we moved her to 1 half of the apartment where her crate & wee wee pad normally stay, and she uses the pad when she needs to, has her crate & toys, can lay on teh couch, and has water. Shes always fine and excited to see us when we get home.
    Again, i did leave her in her crate till she was up to about 6 months old when I wasnt home. I was only gone 3 hours at a time though.
    Estee-Mom to Ginger
    one of the best things to ever happen to me!

  9. #9
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    Sound advice already given here so not much more to add other than at only 9 weeks old she will most certainly miss her litter mates and your company when you go out, but you have to get her used to you not being there 24/7! I would advise that you maybe leave an old jumper etc that smells of you in her crate so that she feels comforted by your smell!

    She will soon catch on don't worry! My litter is now 7 weeks old (today!) and are so interactive with each other, it's pretty understandable that when they go from all that companionship to having to spend a few hours on their ownsome that they will fret to begin with, believe me it doesn't last as long as it seems!!
    Cathryn
    Cavaliers leave pawprints in your heart and hair on everything else!!
    RE-LIVE YOUR CHILDHOOD THROUGH YOUR KIDS, THE TOYS ARE SO MUCH BETTER THESE DAYS!!

  10. #10
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    As for the puppy pads, place & praise! Mine got it in less than a week when she was brought home at 8 weeks old. You may need to surround the pad with the pen to teach her that it MUST be the pad! It's exactly the same as teaching a dog to go outside in a specific spot. It's easy enough if you pay attention to her & look for the signs.

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