Last night the pup was on my bed and I wanted her in her bed for the night and when I asked her to get down she barley moved, I asked her again and still no response, so I went to pcik her up and she growled, I backed away and went back again and again she growled.
But she is only 20 weeks old. This is expecting the response of a far more mature and trained dog. This is like asking a 3 year old to go get ready for bed and expecting them to remember the whole sequence of undressing, putting on PJs, washing teeth face and hands, getting in bed -- by themselves. Or asking your 9 year old to solve an algebra problem before going to bed.
At this age I would not expect any such response. Instead, make things
fun and help her learn the basics of training (basic fun groundwork ONLY!) you will cement later by proper obedience. Go and get couple of tiny treats, and then LURE her off the bed with that yummy promise. Most dogs cannot be expected to seriously and consistently respond to a cue alone until they reach 9-12 months --many trainers do not do any serious structured training until 6 months at earliest, and even then it is only generally to do some playful basics -- that is why many trainers do specific 'puppy classes. Puppies like kids have brief attention spans and short term memories and go thru many phases of forgetting or rebelling against training before they reach age one. They don't have the capability of remembering commands and what they are supposed to do every time! She is still just a baby.
So keep in mind what you expected of your daughter at age 3 or 4 and put it in a dog context. Lure Abby down cheerfully with a treat right before her nose, saying 'off' (never down! as this means 'lie down') as she comes down give her lots of praise and then the treats (but a young pu[pp[y should not be expected or allowed to jump off a high bed either...).
Make it fun and rewarding. Right now you are doing the equivalent of military academy training for a toddler -- they are
not going to get it, they just are not mature enough, and what she hears is a command she doesn;t remember and then someone grabbing for her. Think Barney and the 'cleaning up' song!! She needs motivation, she needs it to be fun, and you need to just keep in mind how young and tiny she is.
I would wager the root of this problem is that Abby is getting very exasperated a being picked up a lot by a small child. Kids don't always understand puppies are not toys and don;t like being handled constantly and played with constantly. This is too stressful for her and she has learned growling is a good technique to get results when she doesn't want to be handled again. It is clearly working! She has no idea that you only want to put her on the floor so she is growling at you too. A 9 year old IMHO needs to only be having controlled interactions when you are there and should never be picking up a puppy and carrying it around.
I am not saying it is acceptable for a dog to growl in normal interactions -- but I think she is stressed and growling for a reason. Saying 'no' to her for growling only means 'don't growl' which in turn risks having a dog go straight to biting instead if it feels under pressure. You don't allow growling inappropriate situations, but here, you 1) figure out
why it is happening in the first place. If it is stress from a child -- then you, the adult, need to restrain the child around the puppy; the puppy is only conveying its unhappiness. I do not think this is aggression at all 2) guidance -- reward proper behaviour, which mens your puppy needs to know what behaviour is good, which means the puppy needs to be in situations it enjoys where it can be rewarded and praised for the polite behaviour; 3) don't make the dog discipline your child -- an exasperated puppy, tired of being carried around, my growl. You need to be there every time your young daughter interacts with that puppy, it needs to be controlled, how she holds the puppy needs to be checked, and I'd limit her to lifting him at most a few times a day and this should be in supervised interactions with her sitting down, not carrying her around (imagine someone lifting your daughter to a height 8 times her own height -- how terrifying is that? Make the intercations less stressful by having them happen when children ar seated and calm. The puppy needs to learn -- and should be able to EXPECT -- that interactions with your daughter will be pleasant. Which means reducing handling activities (picking up) to a minimum and reshaping these interactions so your pup LIKES rather than FEARS them.
Please have a read of these:
http://www.deesdogs.com/documents/TheSafetyZoneHandout.pdf
http://www.deesdogs.com/documents/children_and_dogs%20doc.pdf
Especially:
Starting Off Right
Following are some guidelines to help you start off on the right foot. Remember, small children
should never be left alone with a dog or puppy without adult supervision.
Holding:
• It's safest for both your child and puppy if your child is sitting down whenever he wants to
hold the puppy. Puppies are squirmy and wiggly and may easily fall out of a young
child's arms and be injured. If held insecurely, a puppy may become frightened and
snap or scratch in response. After your child is sitting, you can place the puppy in his
arms.
• Have your child offer the puppy a chew toy while he pets the puppy. When puppies are
teething, they tend to chew on everything, including hands and arms, so having a chew
toy handy will divert the puppy’s teeth away from your child. An added benefit is that
the puppy will come to associate pleasant consequences (getting a treat) with being
held by your child.
• For larger dogs, have your child sit in your lap and let the dog approach both of you. This
way you can control your child and not allow him to get "carried away" with pats that
are too rough. You are also there to teach your new dog to treat your child gently.*
Petting and giving affection: Children often want to hug dogs around the neck. Your dog may
view this as a threatening gesture, rather than an affectionate one, and may react with a growl,
snap or bite. You should teach your child to pet your dog from underneath the dog’s chin,
rather than hugging him or reaching over his head. You should also teach your child to avoid
staring at, or looking directly into, your dog’s eyes.
Giving Treats: Children tend to become somewhat fearful and anxious when a dog tries to take
a treat from their hand. This causes them to jerk their hand away at the last second. The dog
may then jump up or lunge to get the treat which may result in the child being knocked down.
Have your child place the treat in an open palm, rather than holding it in his fingers. You may
want to place a hand underneath your child's hand to help guide him.
Supervising Play: Children move with quick, jerky movements, have high-pitched voices and
often run, rather than walk. All of these behaviors somewhat resemble the behavior of prey
animals. Almost all of a dog’s play behaviors are based on predatory behavior. Consequently,
your dog may respond to your child’s behavior by chasing him, nipping at his heels, jumping up
at him or even trying to knock him down.At first, your child may need to play quietly around your
new dog until he becomes more comfortable and calm and your child has gained more control
over the dog. Your dog must also learn that certain behaviors on his part are unacceptable, but
he must also be taught what behaviors are the right ones. Our handout: "Dealing with Normal
Puppy Behavior: Nipping and Rough Play" outlines procedures for discouraging rough play and
encouraging appropriate play. However, most children under the age of ten are not capable of
carrying out these procedures, so it’s helpful to teach your dog a "leave it" command that you
can use when play gets too rough. Taking an obedience class together is a good way to teach
your dog to respond to commands.An approach that is not helpful is to punish your dog for his
behavior. If he learns that being around children always results in "bad things" happening to him,
he may become defensive in their presence.
Possessions: Your dog won’t know the difference between his toys and your child’s toys until you
teach him.
• Your child must take responsibility for keeping his playthings out of your dog’s reach.
• If, and only if, you catch your dog chewing on something he shouldn't, interrupt the
behavior with a loud noise, then give him an acceptable chew toy and praise him
lavishly when he takes the toy in his mouth.
• Don't give your dog objects to play with such as old socks, old shoes or old children's toys
that closely resemble items that are off-limits. They can't tell the difference!
• Dogs can be possessive about their food, toys and space. Although it’s normal for a dog
to growl or snap to protect these items, it’s not acceptable. At the same time, children
need to learn to respect their dog as a living creature who is not to be teased or
purposefully hurt and who needs time to himself .
If your dog is growling or snapping at your child for any reason, the situation needs IMMEDIATE
attention. Punishing your dog is likely to make matters worse. You may call our Dog
Behavior Helpline at (303) 696-4941, Ext. 346 for more information.
http://www.deesdogs.com/documents/whydogsbite.pdf
Written for children! See especially:
Warning Signs
Watch and listen for the warnings a dog will give you to let you know when he is upset. If his ears
are laid back against his head, or his legs are very stiff, he is probably warning you that he feels
threatened and will protect himself if he must. If the hair on his back is standing up, that’s
another warning. If a dog is growling or barking with his teeth showing, it means he is ready to
bite. A dog's warning signs mean that you’re doing something he doesn't like, so stop doing it!
There are many more good resource articles here:
http://www.deesdogs.com/training.htm and here:
http://www.diamondsintheruff.com/behavior.html
Good luck -- and talk to your instructor about these issues when you start your obedience class s I know they will be able to help give you lots of postivie approaches to addressing and reshaping unwanted behaviour.