21st June 2011, 01:58 AM
How Can I Profit from the Example of Ella
I sometimes think that Ella knew that her CM/SM was weighing on me. I feel if I would have been stronger she still would be with me. I know she did not like me upset when she was here and she would not want that now but it is still so hard. Today has been a tough day so I thought I would post my recent post.
How Can I Profit From the Example of Ella
“Here lies DASH, the Favourite Spaniel of Queen Victoria
By whose command this Memorial was erected.
He died on the 20 December, 1840 in his 9th year.
His attachment was without selfishness,
His playfulness without malice,
His fidelity without deceit.
READER, if you would live beloved and die regretted, profit by the example of DASH.”
My life will never be the same since after My Angel Ella came into my life. I have learned so much from her.
"Dogs have a way of finding the people who need them, Filling an emptiness we don't even know we have."
Ella was not just a dog. She was angel that was sent to me. She has taught me about loving one more than yourself and that I could ever imagine. She taught me about forgiveness. She taught me how to make someone’s day just by showing you care. We will forever be connected because she will remain in my heart forever. I believe that even though she is not physically here, she is an angel looking down on me and everyone. So I will ask myself:
What Would Ella Want
She would want to run after the birds.
She would want to sniff each flower.
She would want to great each person and dog with a smile and waiting for them to pet her.
She would want to run around in the park with her fur friends.
She would want to run on the sand in the beach.
She would want to run after a tennis ball and wait for me to come to her to throw it again
She would want to spread across the whole bed like a princess.
I could say so many things but she never asked for them. I just knew these are things she enjoyed. The only time she would get the “please mom, I don’t want to” action was when we were at the beach. We slept in a bedroom that was by itself. The upstairs was where all the action was including *cough* kitchen. She wanted to be around everyone and even if they were going to sleep, she wanted to make sure she was there and not missing anything. She would sit by the door impatiently wanting to go back. She even scratched to door with her paw, looking up at me with those sad eyes.
We left the beach at 5am the Monday after Easter to return back to work in Charlotte. She immediately got sick in the car. She was running on the beach Sunday but that would be her last run on the sandy beach. The last time she would chase shells in the breaking waves. I had no idea that would be the last time she smiled at all.
That Monday she did not get better and she did not hog the bed that night, nor did she end up on top of my head and pillows. I woke up to her on the bathroom floor. I took her to the Vet Tuesday morning. She came home because they thought it was a bug. She still did not eat and again even though she always is close by, she was on the floor again. The next day when I took her back to the vet, I did not know that when she would return home, it would be her spirit.
I think Ella got what she wanted, a weekend at her favorite place before it would be her time to say goodbye.
I never thought about it that way until now. I feel like Ella was sent to me as an Angel to help me through some hard times. She saved my life and that is why I wanted to do everything I could to save hers. It seems like it was before her time, but maybe there was a reason she felt it was her time to go back to Heaven and help me and others from there.
Maybe she did not want me to see her struggle. Sometimes I feel like I was losing strength and I get so upset with myself. It can weigh on you emotionally to not know what the future holds. I loved and still love her so much that I wanted to be the one to have the pain instead of her.
Would Ella want that? Would she want me to be scared of losing her? Would she want to see the sadness in my eyes that she came to me to change?
No. She would not want that because that was her whole reason she found me. It does still hurt and the pain is still raw but I have to think of everything she taught me.
What did I learn from her?
More to come…
Anne Proud mother of
and Angel Ella