This is heart-breaking -- you and Abbey have been a part of the board for a long time. It is always so hard. I know it isn't much comfort but know that many of us have walked this journey and understand what you have been through and know the pain and acute sense of loss. It does ease with time and often it takes retrospect to gradually grow to know this was an act of love and kindness, not abandonment. We can be very hard on ourselves when it is all very recent and raw and we are not yet ready to be less (wrongly) judgmental of ourselves in taking a decision that eases suffering but brings such deep loss.