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Advice on Abbey from my fellow SM owners

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Hi Karlin--back to work and I'm on here. Shame on me. Abbey still on my mind way too much as I know you all understand. There is more to it than the weakness. The socks do help but problem is that they turn so easy and then she is walking on slippery socks. We've ordered a couple different items to see if they help. We're really taking this a day at a time. She has gone down alot and I even said last night if we don't put her down in the very near future --meaning next couple weeks then I truly do believe she will be be with us this summer. Maybe I am/we are still in denial. Her neuro that she saw 3 weeks ago has only seen her once so it was hard for her to really help me. I have e-mailed her previous neuro and he has seen videos of her weakness and his advice to us is that he believes the owner knows best. I still do see some oomph but maybe we're trying to grasp at straws here. I truly hope we aren't as I truly don't want her to be in pain. I'm going to be talking to her vet today and he's calling the neuro today also. I'll write more tonight if vet talks to neuro today.

Thanks.

Linda
 
I was with my best friend on sunday and she has known Abbey since she was a baby. I just e-mailed her to give me her honest opinion and this is what I heard and trying my darnest not to cry at work:

As far as Abbey goes, I didn’t see any indication that she was in pain.
I looked for it, and didn’t see it. I saw a dog who was eager to please
us and would get excited for us if we asked her to be excited and she
would wag her tail and “smile” for us. I am saddened that she lays on
the floor splayed out until she can get up. I am saddened that she has
accidents in the house. Not for you, but for her – because I can imagine
that she is humiliated that she can’t be better at going outside.

I was very concerned that she wasn’t able to get the food pieces out of
my hand. I was saddened at that part as well.

Now, is all of that a reason to make the final decision? No, those are
lousy reasons to justify the final action. And, the question I keep coming
back to is “What does Abbey deserve?” I wouldn’t say she is suffering,
AND I would say that she has a difficult life right now.

I can’t believe I am going to actually type this out – but if she were my dog,
I think I would let her go peacefully. Okay, I can’t cry any more at my desk
right now, there are people standing behind me having a section meeting.


I trust her and maybe this is what I/we need to hear. Can't say anything more--I'm at work.
 
Oh Linda, the roller-coaster ride continues for you. Again, my advice is one day at a time. It seems that you are suffering the most at the moment and sometimes delaying what sadly could be the inevitable is pure emotional torture. Wait to see what the neuro says and don't feel pressured to make a decision now. Please know that I am thinking of you constantly and send lots of love and support.xxx
 
I actually called George and said let's put her down today as I know my friend is right. I truly do and I know in my heart we are not doing what is right for her and she's not happy. George of course is saying he was going by the house and wants to check on her and then wants to hear what our vet comes up with after talking to her neuro. I told him he's in denial and he said no. I really can't take much more of this. I will give George today but unless the neuro and vet come up with a miracle Abbey's blog will show goodbye tomorrow.

Linda
 
putting her down at 5:00 today and my heart hurts so dang much. I left work and am at home to spend herr last hours with her. I so hateeeeee sm. She didn't deserve this and neither did we.
 
putting her down at 5:00 today and my heart hurts so dang much. I left work and am at home to spend herr last hours with her. I so hateeeeee sm. She didn't deserve this and neither did we.

I work from home so I have time to feel your pain and to cry my heart out for you all. Sleep well sweet Abbey knowing how much you were loved and that you will be sorely missed.

Linda in time the pain will ease and you will remember all the love and good times you shared with Abbey. Until then you are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
Linda I think you are doing the kindest thing, it's the last loving act we can do for our beloved companions.


I know this will probably make many of us cry, but it is so special that I wanted to share it

IF I SHOULD GROW FRAIL

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain does keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done
For this - the last battle - can't be won.

You will be sad I understand
But don't let grief then stay your hand.
For on this day, more than the rest
Your love and friendship must stand the test.

We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.

Take me to where my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end.
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.

Don't grieve that it must now be you
Who has to decide this thing to do.
We've been so close - we two- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

(author unknown)



You and Abbey will be in our thoughts - if possible please give your other Cavaliers a chance to say goodbye to Abbey once she has gone, it really helps them come to terms with what has happened and although they will still grieve, they will not be searching for her.
 
You mean take the other dogs with us? I don't truly think I can handle that. I just want it to be her and George and I. You know I am finally comforted that we are doing the right thing and I look at her now and now we have been in denial for some time. I truly think she is close to going on. I don't think we're talking a couple days here but I do truly believe we are close. It's funny the last day and a half she hasn't even really wanted to eat and the prednisone makes her crazy when it comes to food. I noticed yesterday her tummy seems swollen. Her snoring is so loud. Alot of changes in the past couple days. She's had a very good life and I think you all know how much we love her and I think we did everything humanly possible for her. It just hurts soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. I know I will remember the "old" Abbey.. Today I went to take her picture and I put the camera down. I don't want to remember today's Abbey. I thank god for bringing her to us. I am so blessed to have had her in my life.

Linda
 
I don't know how it works with your vet - ours comes out to the house, I put the other dogs away then put the dog who has passed away in a basket on the floor and let them back in to say their goodbyes. It's hard for us but it has made it SO much easier for them - don't forget they are losing their companion too. Then I take them myself to the crematorium.


If you are going to your vets, perhaps they would let you take the others in afterwards? Or could you bring Abbey home for a bit afterwards?


From what you've said in your last post, it really does sound like time - especially if she has stopped eating too. You are doing the right thing, sadly she would not pass peacefully from SM, we have to help them when it's time.
 
I'm so sorry you have to face this now Linda.
You have already grieved so much for her,you and your husband have struggled enough and done all that you possibly can for her.
Don't be so hard on yourselves,when you have spent so long battling for her,sometimes it's hard to let go.
You have our support and respect for making all the tough choices throughout her illness,from diagnosis to surgery and all the dedicated aftercare.
The last few years have been a challenge for many of us,trying to learn about SM and manage our dogs condition as best we could.
Be kind to yourself.
Sins
 
Linda,

Our thoughts are with you and Abby tonight. A little prayer of comfort and peace flies your way tonight from Virginia.

Ruby, Sydney and Duncan in Virgina
 
Oh Linda, I'm so sad and have tears reading this but know that you have done everything you could do. I will write more about how much abbey meant to me personally. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.

Abbey run free of pain at rainbows bridge.

Anne
 
Abbey 1/24/2004 - 1/3/2012 RIP my dear princess. I love/loved you more than you will ever know and I know we did the right thing. I only pray you know we did. You are pain free from this very ugly disease. I am so dang lucky God chose you for us. I don't know how I will manage without our nightly butt rubbs and your sweetness. The pain is unbearable right now.
 
I am so sorry. I've been thinking of you and Abbey all day hoping for a miracle. Now I can't stop crying.
 
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