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Abbey

Hi Linda, I just wanted to offer my most sincere condolences for the loss of your sweet girl Abby.

RIP sweet girl.
 
so very sorry
Remember Our Love

I was chosen today
I'm learning to fly
the world took me away,
but please don't you cry

And I chose you today
to try and be strong
so please don't you cry
and don't say that I'm gone

When you're feeling alone
just remember our love,
I'm up near the stars
looking down from above.

Remember our love
In a moment you'll see
that I'm still here beside you
when you're thinking of me.


----Aileen
 
Oh Linda, we can all feel your pain so vividly x I know how it feels to love your baby so much it hurts and when that is gone it hurts to even breathe x
The loss you feel is beyond words and I pray this gets easier for you with time. Maybe when you get Aabbey back you could have a little memorial for her with the family in the garden or at her favourite place to walk. Take a poem to read or a song or two to play and light some candles for her. Say a few words or plant a tree or rose that stay for a long time that you can look at when you need to. It sounds strange but I've already planned all this for ruby so that I don't forget anything. Songbird by Eva Cassidy is our song and there is a beautiful type of rose called superstar that I want. I've also given all the details to my mum incase I'm in no fit state to take care of anything x
I hope you will find some closure soon Linda x x x
 
Yes Karen. Vet tried to do autopsy yesterday but was unable to because of the freezing. I sure wish Dr. Shores would have mentioned this before we put her down as he knew we were going to be doing it. Can't change the past. I'm doin a little bit better every day but so many tears every day. We haven't decided what we are going to do with her ashes yet and will be figuring and deciding soon as I'm sure we will get her ashes back by mid-week. Today I need to get some things done and stay busy instead of sitting on CT and crying all day. That will help.

I actually talked to a breeder last night for 2 hours and one that has been recommended to me and she has a dog delivering probably next week so that means puppies in about 9 weeks. I truly do think we will get another one.

I will always miss her.

Crying too hard to type anymore.

Linda
 
Hi Linda, was reading an article in my magazine today about coping with the loss of a pet and thought i'd re write some of it for you



"Memories are painful, but sometimes pain comes because we try to resist them. We don't want to be reminded, so we put all our energies in to trying to block them out. The trouble with this approach is that you end up focusing on them and then the mind develops a dissonance between the way you want the world to be and the way the world actually is. What you really want is your pet back in your life; in reality your pet has gone. The more you struggle with trying to 'block' the painful memories the more difficult it becomes.

Yet, when faced with any difficult situation in life, when you cannot change a problem, you have to change your attitude towards the problem. This is not always easy, but it is worth trying. While you do not still have your pet with you, you do have some wonderful warm memories from the time you spent together. Try not to resist thinking about these times. Rather, do something pro=active and take control of your mind.
If possible, revisit a place that has special memories for you and your pet, maybe a favorite park or walk. Take a few deep breaths and allow those good memories to flow back. Let the tears flow, tears are healing. Hear your dog beside you barking and feel her beside you enjoying her walks as she always did. Do not resist it, its the resisitance that causes the pain.

The more you process your emotions the easier they become to deal with. Focus on the positives, that you had the opportunity to spend a part of your life with her, and give thanks that you were able to do so. Let her go and allow her to still be a part of your world in a positive way through the memories you have.
She would never want to wish you harm or want you to be in pain- she loved you unconditionally and now it is your turn to forgive her for leaving you."




I dont know if this will help at all Linda but I really hope it does in some little way xxx Thinking of you xx
 
Oh Karen thank you for posting this--today has been a very hard day---cried alot today--almost looking forward to going back to work tomorrow--the weekend has been too hard--too much time to think and also be able to cry uncontrollably--try hard not to do that at work. I told George today that Abbey would be mad at me to see me like this and she would be telling me exactly what you wrote. I literally have been almost sick--headache although I do feel like I am coming down with something so can't blame it on Abbey. I'm going to bed and that makes me sad as that was the time I gave her her nightly butt rub. I know every day will get easier and I am going to try harder to do and remember the good and forget about the bad. I was so blessed to have her in my life for 7.5 years.

Maybe I'm not reading below right but all I do remember is the good--even her sm bad times is a fog---it's the good I remember and I just plain miss her. I guess what I need to do is let her go and I haven't done that????????

My mind is too fried--been a bad day.

Linda
 
Oh Linda, I am so sorry I haven't been here. And then I just didn't know what to say.

Having had to make that decision for two dogs in the last 13 years, I remember too well how it feels. Especially when they are taken from you ahead of their time. (I've had other dogs but it's been many years on hard decisions)

Everyone has to grieve the way that is best for them. And holding it in won't help in any way at all. Give yourself time to grieve, but also keep yourself busy. I remembered for me, both times there were things I had to do to help me through. For both, it was spending time at a specific time each day to honor their memory....for my Nash, it was spending time on the deck with my Claire and taking his leash and collar with me. Some might think I'm crazy, but it gave me peace. I also put flowers on his grave every other day until there were no flowers left to be able to (I live in Michigan).

She will always have a very special place. And she is still with you because she is planted so firmly in your heart. I'll be thinking of and praying for you these weeks that pass. Hugs to you and the other pup's.
 
I'm going to honor her by having a painting done of her from a photo and hang in our bedroom as that was a special place every night. Because of her having to get meds around midnight she slept in our room and she was the only one who did and it was our special time together. I'm doing alot better and I'm surprised but I'm remembering the good times. I've been going through pictures which would just make me cry but like Sins I could see when she started going down. Because of her sm she had lost her oomph lets say. We didn't go to parks etc. as she couldn't handle it. She held such a special place in my heart and this was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It took me 2 weeks to decide and when I did I finally saw the reality. I miss her but I'm happy for her that she is finally out of pain and no longer scratches and rubs her head etc. I loved/love her so much.
 
What a lovely idea Linda.
I went back to the vets today,paid all my bills and walked away feeling ok.No tears,no bad memories.
While driving home I was thinking a lot about how much I loved Daisy and how much love and care she received.Then I realised,I wouldn't have to worry about her being in pain,or feeling anxious looking across at her to see if she was uncomfortable.No more pangs of pity watching her trying to get onto the sofa and clamber up the decking.As much as I loved her,I also felt sorry for her.
When I reached my front door,I said goodbye to Syringomyelia,and to the grip that it had on my home and my life.
I found it strangely liberating and didn't actually feel guilty,because I kept the love and the happy memories.
I think today was real progress...
Sins
 
I know what you mean Sins in regards to the sm. I couldn't take the dogs to a dog park as I felt it wasn't fair to Abbey as she couldn't handle it. In regards to drugs and every 8 hrs. it was just routine for me. In regards to analyzing her I also have a sense of relief. I never felt sorry for Abbey until the day my best friend told me the truth and it hit home and that was the day we put her down. I left work to spend her last hours with her and picked up the camera and put it back down as I didn't want the memory of how she looked and I had been in denial. I have so many happy memories of her and I'd sure love to have her on my lap. I miss her and I know you miss Daisy.

I'm so glad you're feeling better Sins. I only cried once yesterday which was a real improvement.
 
Linda

My thoughts and deepest sympathies are with you during this difficult time. May Abbey run pain free at the rainbow bridge with all our much loved companions.
 
Not starting out good. Driving to work all I could think of was that her birthday is coming up and why didn't we wait until after her birthday. We certainly would have been able to do so. Then I try to knock sense into me and say she wouldn't know it was her birthday so quit being dumb. I've already cried at work and it's 8:30--glad I'm the one who comes in first so nobody saw me. The two gals that are right by me just don't get it I don't think.

I sure do miss that sweet little princess.
 
Thinking that it will be Abbey's birthday a week from today and unfortunately she will not be here. Now I'm angry that I didn't wait until after her birthday but then a dog doesn't understand a birthday. I guess what I'm really saying is I wish she was still here for me--the old Abbey that has been gone for awhile. I know now that I have been slowly grieving her death for a very long time. I do miss her and find myself when I'm in my recliner look over to the bed that she liked or if I see sun hitting the floor knowing she would be laying there. I miss coming home and her so happy to see me. I miss when I say the word "pill" for her to go crazy because that meant a pill pocket. I miss getting up in the night and seeing her. I'm doing much better than I thought I would be--it's almost 2 weeks since she left us. That makes me feel guilty too as how can I possibly be doing this good as much as I loved her? I know the other dogs help alot. I remember when I got the last 2 dogs I said I need other cavaliers around when Abbey leaves us and it has helped me alot to hold and love them. I guess I'm writing this almost like a blog. I just plain miss her and always will miss my little "princess"
 
Linda,
You cannot know that if you waited until after Abbey's birthday that she would not have deteriorated horribly and painfully before that time.

You made the decision when you did because you had her best interests at heart.

You will miss her many times each day simply because she needed so much special attention, but that is also a measure of how different her life had become to that a healthy dog.

It is hard to deal with the guilt that comes with beginning to 'get on with life' without someone or something you love. It can feel terribly disloyal.

She was special, you were lucky to have her and she was lucky to have you. Hug that knowledge to you and allow yourself to go and enjoy your other dogs.
 
I think when a dog has been ill for some time you do a lot of your grieving before he/she actually dies. So don't feel guilty if you don't grieve for her now as long as you think you ought to, but find yourself enjoying your other dogs. You have already done a lot of grieving for the 'old' Abbey, as she was before she got so ill - even if you had delayed releasing her, you still wouldn't have got that younger Abbey back, and perhaps it's that one that you are grieving for now, rather than the older Abbey who you know it was right to release from a failing body.

Kate, Oliver and Abbey
 
I think you hit it right on the nose Kate. I remember back in June talking to Dr. Shores about her muscle loss and I believe that is when she started to go down and then I had knee replacement surgery but I told a friend today the very same thing--I've been grieving her for a long time. So worried about her. Sometimes I see her laying in her dog bed wth her long tongue hanging out and I mean alot of tongue--not the old cute little bit. Her poor tongue would lay on the floor and it breaks my heart to remember that Abbey but at the same time I've watched a video of her with the other 3 dogs barking and having a good time and wanting a treat. I do miss her so much. Even as handicapped as she was she wasn't really that much work--pills 3 times a day which wasn't a big deal and of course the changing of the non-skid socks which weren't exactly easy to get on but really it wasn't that much work. I am enjoying my dogs. I am grieving that young spunky dog though--watched a video of her a year after surgery and she was so dang good--even 2 years after he surgery she was dang good. Its been the last year going down a bit slowly at first and really down alot these past 6 months. She sure had my heart from day #1. When I get doubts I remember how when I showed her how much love I had for her it didn't phase her anymore. She was truly gone for quite awhile. Now the tears are flowing but tears of missing her.
 
Tomorrow would have been Abbey's 8th birthday and a co-worker told me that we need to honor her in some way tomorrow. The other night I said to George I wonder why we haven't got her ashes back and he said we have. When I picked Bentley up (when he had a couple teeth pulled) they gave them to me. I said why didn't you tell me. He said I couldn't. :-(. Shows how much a man loves his cavalier also. I don't know if I can do anything with her ashes or not yet and haven't really thought about what to do with them. I don't know what to do to honor her so I'm open to suggestions. It's hard t believe she's been gone for 2.5 weeks now and I think of her everyday and still shed tears here and there but doing pretty good. I know not worrying and dealing with sm is such blessing but she was never extra work in my mind. I don't want to ramble on and on. Just missing her.
 
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