Valentines day will mark 1 year since i lost my Oliver.
1 year later and although time never really goes away.

On a day to celebrate love.. we gave my best friend the ultimate gift of love we could..peace and no more pain.
on a day that screams 'hearts' bestfriend died of a broken heart..leaving me with one.
and the way i announced it on fb was 'ďA dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. Status symbol means nothing to him. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog judges others not by their color or creed or class but by who they are inside. A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his."
on the cement stone i did his paws in two days before he passed (and trust me he was none too pleased to do this for me ) i write "give him your heart and he will give you his" in the stone.

When i went to ireland 4 years ago i bought a stuffed cavalier cause i missed oliver so much. when i was there i slept with it every night untill i got home (2 months later) and was able to see my boy again.

i have slept with that stuffed animal every single night sincei lost oliver .

some days are tougher then others.. christmas eve was a hard one..because i rememberd the christmas before we lost him..we knew it would be the last one we had with him..i remember it so clearly..him by my side. (christmas eve is kind of a know what i mean?) to go through that routine minus my best friend was hard.
many times i teared up and tried not to let it show.
The hard part came when it was time for me to go to bed...same room in the same blow up bed at my aunts house that he slept with me one year previous..
the fortunate though about this year..was my cousin left her yappy annoying dog at her parents house and he joind me that night..i found that slightly comforting , althoguh to be honest i still cried myself to sleep.

sometimes he visits me in our dreams. And at first it devestated me..i would wake up and loose him all over again. but now i am greatful for those visits.

Oliver wasn't the only 'tough' thing about last year..or even the last few years..he was one of the worst pains..but theres been others. and its hard to watch other people around me (my moms sisters family..particularly) celebrate all these amazing things that have been happening.. both my cousins got married and have had the firs babies of the generation (Since we lost oliver) and juts all these amazing wonderful thigns.. and i think the hard times ive gone through have gone unnoticed..and thats hard too..going through hard times 'alone'.

ive been dreading valentines day for weeks.... acutally only to select few people i trust most i have had very harsh 'adult' words for the day.

I honestly dont know how i will get through tuesday. I know it will come and go just like every year.