Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: Final Goodbye to Ella and her ashes

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Charlotte, North Carolina, United States
    Posts
    2,088
    Post Thanks / Like
    Blog Entries
    18

    Default Final Goodbye to Ella and her ashes

    I've been holding onto Ella's ashes and they are displayed with all her other momentos. I always said I would release her ashes at pawleys island which was her favorite place.

    Next weekend I am having friends at pawleys who all happen to have cavaliers except one couple. There will be 5 cavaliers there and my mom freaked out b/c technically the beach house does not allow pets. She figured Elton and Kennedy but didnt expect the others .

    Anyway, I think it would be special to release her ashes with Kennedy and of course Elton (other cavaliers there are a plus). I mentioned it to Kat (Kennedy's mom) and she said she didn't think it was a good idea b/c it would make especially her sad and she worried about me. This is supposed to be a fun weekend. I explained it would be a good thing and it's time. It's a celebration of her and releasing her.

    I thought I may not tell anyone and just say I wanted to talk all the dogs with me for a moment but then I don't know if I should do this alone. I was really set on this and thought it was time but I'm having doubts. I don't think I will ever get the opportunity to have Kennedy there which is important to me.

    Any thoughts?

    The last photo (although sideways) was taken the last weekend before she got sick. She actually got sick the morning we left and you all know the ending of that. It has always comforted me that she had that weekend where she was her old self (before SM). I thought there was a special meaning for that.

    I know it's my decision but thought I would ask the board.
    Anne Proud mother of Elton 5 and Angel Ella

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Yorktown, Virginia USA
    Posts
    1,426
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Its so special you have these wonderful pictures and your idea about spread the ashes is wonderful. You know its time, you realize its more one last goodbye and a celebration of the dog you loved/love so very much.

    Personally, its something I would want to do alone....I mean no people the dogs yes, they are part of the legacy to your devotion to your sweet Ella. For me it would be MY PERSONAL way to stop grieving (tho you never really will) and start healing. If Kennedy mom would allow you to take her with you and Elton alone I would do that. I know its not going to be easy but I would want to be alone with my memories, I know this sounds weird but enjoy the moment take your time. Again just MY opinion.
    Melissa
    "If you don't own a dog, at least one, there is not necessarily anything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life."
    -Roger Caras

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Charlotte, North Carolina, United States
    Posts
    2,088
    Post Thanks / Like
    Blog Entries
    18

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MomObvious View Post
    Its so special you have these wonderful pictures and your idea about spread the ashes is wonderful. You know its time, you realize its more one last goodbye and a celebration of the dog you loved/love so very much.

    Personally, its something I would want to do alone....I mean no people the dogs yes, they are part of the legacy to your devotion to your sweet Ella. For me it would be MY PERSONAL way to stop grieving (tho you never really will) and start healing. If Kennedy mom would allow you to take her with you and Elton alone I would do that. I know its not going to be easy but I would want to be alone with my memories, I know this sounds weird but enjoy the moment take your time. Again just MY opinion.
    I agree and it would be something I wanted to do alone with Elton and Kennedy). I would rather them not know even if I come it with red eyes. The othe cavaliers were not as close with Ella. I just think its time and I love that Kennedy will be with me.
    Anne Proud mother of Elton 5 and Angel Ella

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
    Posts
    1,389
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Hi Anne...this is so personal, and such a personal decision that it is hard to give advice...but I wanted to pop in my experience dealing with something like this recently in case it helps (this is very different to your heart dog Ella as it is about my foster dog...but it more is my experience with letting ashes go and how it feels).

    In November I took on a foster dog named Lady. She was amazing...though in a week of knowing her I found a lump on her neck that was hard and right on her thyroid. I knew it was bad in my gut...it was not long before cancer was confirmed and the vet said "you have one month, or we can put her down because it won't be a good way to live". I chose to let her live, with me as long as possible and have the freaking time of our lives. She was FULL of life, so funny and cheeky and never acted sick until the last 2 days. When she left this earth I fell apart. I had only known her for a month and a half (she died mid-Jan) but she effected my life in every way. I had never seen or had a pet die. I just could not cope...it all felt too hard. I was confronted for the first time with just how short their lives can be.

    I didn't know what to do so I had her cremated because I wanted to know where she went.

    The ashed sat on my counter for about a month and a half. I didn't want to let her go. I cried because I could not save her - I wondered if I had done enough. I missed her and just liked her on my window sill (even though it was never my intention to keep her ashes). Then, last weekend, it was a sunny day and I felt happy...I got in my kayak, with her ashes, and boated over to the place where I always promised her I would lay her when she passed. I thought I would feel so upset, so sad (i mean I had been crying for weeks)...but I didn't..I felt...open.
    I floated for a while knowing that I could always just not do it if I didn't want to in the end, but I decided to let her go, into the water, I was ready....and then...the most amazing thing happened, the most beautiful thing - her ashes came together in the water as opposed to dispersing, like a little spirit and just floated there beneath the surface glistening in the sun. My husband and I were speechless - it was magnificent. Then her ashes almost swam in the water, and then away and I felt so happy, she looked so...FREE! The whole thing, the release, was just something I can never describe and for me, it was such that release that I felt free too.

    The whole experience was very special and I felt she got to now move on to her next duties in life.

    For me, it was so joyful, so cathartic, and such a release of emotion that had been hanging around. It wasn't sad and depressing like I thought it would be - just an experience more so. I think for you, it will be just how it is supposed to be - just how you are meant to feel in that moment...whatever that may be, if you decide to do it. Ella will guide you always to each step of the process.
    And remember, if you take her ashes up there and suddenly feel like you are not ready or you are second guessing it...all you have to do is bring her back home with you - at least she would have gotten a road trip with her mom, her favourite dogs to her favourite place

    Trust Ella to guide you, your intuition is a powerful thing and the best thing of all is that you get to chose how this will be, you get to create the moment...however you want. Be it happy, sad, or if you decide your not ready - that will be what is just right for you right now. xx

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Chicago area
    Posts
    1,767
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    We let my dad's ashes go in two separate places in the ocean and both were incredibly moving for me and my mom and my siblings. The first time was about 2 months after he died and we released about 1/2 of his ashes off of my brother's sailboat (my dad was always a sailor too) in the Atlantic Ocean. We dropped a biodegradable wreath and watched the ashes move with the wreath. They were somewhat flirtatious with the waves - and magnificent all in one. It was the most perfect October day, sunny and 70 degree weather. On the anniversary of his death, we took the rest of his ashes to the coast of New England where I grew up and dropped them in a tidal pool. Each of us dropped a flower in to pool also. Then we watched the tide pull the ashes in and out to the sea. Again, just an incredibly moving experience that I never expected to feel.

    I think that if you're in the right frame of mind psychologically, with people you love and trust then the timing will be right. I needed to share it with my siblings and mom, but I also could have shared it with someone who had known my dad and had known how much being on the ocean meant to him. If you are with people who truly love you and loved Ella, it will be right because you know that Pawley's Island is right. It's also alright to do it alone, but for me, it was more powerful to share it with others. And it wasn't sad or depressing - it was just a beautiful meaningful experience I will never forget and I am so glad we did it.
    Bev
    Oliver (blenheim, born 3/2001), Riley (black & tan, born 8/2002,), Madison (ruby, born 9/2003), and Oz (tri-color, born 7/2007)

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Charlotte, North Carolina, United States
    Posts
    2,088
    Post Thanks / Like
    Blog Entries
    18

    Default

    Thank you so much. I'm in tears reading both of these moving stories. I will take her ashes with me. I do think I want Kat to hold my hand but I know it's the place for her. I have tears writing this but in my heart it is not a downer but a celebration of her. She will always be in my heart.
    Anne Proud mother of Elton 5 and Angel Ella

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Cork,Ireland.
    Posts
    2,563
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    You know what's right for you.
    I hope it brings you peace and allows you the freedom to treasure her memories always.
    Sins
    Sharing my sofa with Holly, Ivy,Lilly and Hazy.. and never forgetting our beautiful Daisy who reached the bridge too soon.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    San Diego, CA
    Posts
    1,467
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Listen to your heart, since that is where Ella lives. It will not steer you wrong.
    The pictures are beautiful!
    Joyce - Proudly owned & loved by

    BellaMia (Aug. 30, 2012) My Beautiful Ruby Milo (Jan. 20, 2014) My Handsome Tri
    Sydney (
    April 16, 2000~April 4, 2012) Always and Forever In My Heart

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Chicago area
    Posts
    1,767
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    I would talk with Kat and let her know how much it would mean to you to have her there with you when you release Ella's ashes. Yet, it is sad, but it's also a celebration of her life. Right after we released my dad's ashes we sang Kingston Trio and Peter, Paul and Mary songs - they were some of his favorite groups. We were all having such a grand time on the my brother's boat belting out songs like Puff the Magic Dragon, If I had a Hammer, Hang Down Your Head Tom Dooley, etc. Maybe you and Kat could incorporate some kind of ritual like that after you release Ella's ashes that would help Kat understand that although it is sad, you were blessed to have had Ella in your life and to have known her love and you want to honor that. Until we did my dad's ashes, I never realized how powerful a ritual it was and I truly do believe that it's best shared with someone you care about. Only you can decide if Kat is that person.
    Bev
    Oliver (blenheim, born 3/2001), Riley (black & tan, born 8/2002,), Madison (ruby, born 9/2003), and Oz (tri-color, born 7/2007)

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    co durham england
    Posts
    785
    Post Thanks / Like
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default

    hi
    that is one beautiful photo of you and ella
    my heart goes out to you be strong

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •