Itís so hard to believe that Sydney has been gone for a year. Those first days after he died, I didnít think Iíd ever stop crying. It took all my strength just to get up out of bed each day. But slowly, some things got a little easier for me.

When I brought Sydney home, he was 4 Ĺ months old. He lay curled up in my lap, sleeping, while my husband drove us home. On his last day with us, at almost 12 years old, he again was curled up in my lap, in the car, my husband drove, only this time he was rushing us to the veterinary hospital. Then he closed his eyes for his last sleep in my lap. I guess you can say, we came full circle.

As I look back to his last days, I can see now that he was telling us he was ready to go, he was tired. As this first anniversary approached, I thought about all the last times he did this, or the last time he did that. Itís painful for me, yes, but in some ways soothing too, because I know now that he was doing all his favorite things one last time. He was ready and he made sure I was ready too. Then he took the hard decision away from us and left on his terms, at his time.

I can still feel his body in my arms and that last little beat of his heart, his breath on my hands, and the softness of his fur. I still talk to him every day and tell him how much I love him and how much I miss him. And I still cry.

Sydney will never be forgotten, he will never be replaced and he will always reside in my heart. He was and always will be, my Special Angel.


In My Heart

I thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.
I think of you in silence. I often speak your name.
Now all I have is memories, and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is my keepsake, with which Iíll never part.
God has you in his keeping; I have you in my heart.