pam
glad to hear your dad made it through and is communicating, however oddly. i hope he recovers fast, i bet he will, from the heart thing at least.
dementia is relentlessly progressive, but if you can see the humor in it, and also, like it or not, it's far from unusual, most people get it to some degree, then you can cope better.
being far away is so hard. Happily, it sounds like he has a lot of family support, near and far, your mom, your sister, your daughter and you. He is fortunate to have so many people who care for him as he goes through this. I know that the surgery must be confusing for him, with all the medications and other things.
my mom has dementia. she outlived two husbands and lives alone at 88, but because of the dementia, i have had a helper go in 4 hours a day for the past three years, we've had a wonderful helper the whole time who has taken it on as a labor of love, but you never know what's going to happen, and suddenly after christmas, my mom got way more confused, and she hit her head and got a big bruise, and didn't remember how it happened, and doesn't know if it's day or night, and started staying in bed all the time and not eating, weight going down, big crisis, now i have someone there 24 hours for her, she's eating again and doing better, though still extremely confused, i'm looking into assisted living places, and feeling very much lost while trying to learn about the options and how to figure out what is right and how to do it. right now, trying to keep her at home, hoping she has enough support, trying to work it out so she can afford it, all new to me.
You are so right. Seeing the humor in it, and also the blessings and things to be thankful for, is essential. It's easy to think negatively when things get scary, and you feel you can't do enough or can't be there enough, and its happening too fast to step back and reframe things in a more positive way, but that's the way to go--thank goodness for modern technology, you can make lots of phone calls.
Throughout the onset of the dementia, my mom has gotten pretty depressed about it sometimes, but i can make her laugh about it, it's easy to cheer her up. I really admire the courage that she shows in existing with this challenge, and the courage of others who are going through it.
my mom doesn't remember when i call, even though it may have been just an hour earlier, but she's always glad when she hears my voice. I'm appreciating this time because she knows very well who i am and values our relationship. Maybe that won't always be the case, so rather than seeing what's missing, i'm staying aware of what we still have.
i sympathize with you, it's really hard to not be there in person--even though i live in driving distance, it's humanly impossible for me to work my job (which on the clock i get off at 6pm but need to work later often enough), and to get my bills paid, laundry done, etc, feed and exercise zack, and this new full time occupation i have of case management of her situation, and trying to learn how to do it right. sometimes i need to step back and see that it's all just part of life, and things work out.